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Unable to make new friends in new school

Asked by Male, 14, Single
I am unable to make friends at my new school as I find them very childish. I am unhappy.
Answer
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Salma Prabhu
Clinical Psychologist

Hey,

First and foremost, let me say thank you for writing to us. You are very smart as you have taken the step to find a solution, rather than continuing to sulk and feel sad.

It must be quite difficult to move to another school and a new environment with all the different expectations from everyone and like once again starting for scratch.

I have interacted with hundreds of children who are a part of Army Public School where i go for career counselling, and I can actually understand what you are going through as they too have many changes in their lives due to the transfers their parents have to go through.

However I meet them mostly when they are in grade 9 and I see that the constant change makes them really more emotionally strong, adaptive, adventurous, empathetic, solution oriented and most of all, have the ability to adapt to all kinds of situation. The above are the main ingredients of having a good emotional quotient. Their emotional quotient i svery high. EQ, today is rated higher than or the facilitator for Intelligence quotient.

I would not like to give you too much advice but would definitely say that the change has come probably as a blessing in disguise for you as it is an opportunity to transform your personality into a person with a high emotional quotient and the bonus of course attached it a rise in intelligence quotient as well.

I felt that you are highly intelligent and therefore gave you the above explanation.

Human being according to the famous Charles Darwin is born to adapt. You also must be in 8th or 9th standard and yes this is the age when some of us just mature fast and some take a bit of more time. Like some of your classmates who hit each other and act kiddish. It must be quite exasperating to see that. You must be saying in your mind. Grow up guys.,
However it seems they are wanting to still extend the childhood phase as it rarely comes back to anyone.

Let them be, but if you feel like making friends, select the one who is the least childish out of the lot and take the first step. You are smart, you know how to go about it. "Man is a social Animal" is something which is expressed by understanding the need of every human, to have a friend. Someone who will understand, who will be there.

I am sure as you change your perception from the above few quotes I have mentioned, you shall soon attract the one or more who are best for you.

Sometimes we judge people, it is human to judge, however then we become to picky and choosy and find it difficult to leave the past behind and move ahead with the future. I would say forget the past, forget the future. Stay with the present. And try and make the most of it. As present is a gift. Now tell me where have you heard this. Yes u r right. U have watched Kung fu panda and heard Oogway saying this in such a blissful manner.

Be the brave warrior and adapt. Remember how panda adapted to the very new strange and in fact an environment full of mockery and rejection.

I wish you find your place your friends and happiness in all the new environments you ever come across in life.

Wishing you success and happiness

With magical love

Salma

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