We take our user's privacy very seriously and will never, ever expose any personal details. All personal indentifiable information on these questions here are carefully removed and published only after getting permission from user.

Unhappy after break up, issues with family

Asked by Female, 22, Single
I think I am depressed. I feel I need help but I don't confide in any one that much. The only person I was comfortable with was my boyfriend and he broke up with me 4 months back. I have friends but I don't have anyone I can be emotional with. I am unable to get over my breakup and its breaking me harder each day. I have had serious and deep seated emotional issues because of my family and the only person I thought truly loved me and cared about me has left. We still talk and he says he understands my pain but he doesn't want to do anything about it. He also started talking to his ex though he claims normally. I feel like punishing myself for having loved him. I really need help but I just don't know from whom.
Answer
Thumb 190
Indu Padmakumar
Counselling Psychologist and Special Educator

Hi,
From your passage I can understand that you are going through so much in your life right now.
The first step to take is to seek immediate help from a psychologist near you. Talk to them about your depression and the serious emotional issues you had with your family previously.
Break ups are never easy. Its hard on both partners regardless of who broke up with whom.
I think your ex was a very integral part of your life. Chances are, you leaned on him frequently for emotional support.
The thing is, it's important to remember that although partners are important in life, your entire life should not revolve around them.
Your life is your own. I feel it's important to take this time to love, understand and discover yourself. Enjoy your own company.
You mentioned that you feel like punishing yourself for loving him. I would like to urge you to never regret your past. Loving is not a mistake. In this life there are many emotions one goes through. Its a part of life and it's not something to punish yourself over. Cut yourself some slack. Its not a fault of anyone.
Please don't think that because of your break up that everyone will leave or abandon you. That is not true. Keep reminding yourself that you are a beautiful human being and you deserve love as well.
Don't obsess over your ex either. It may be difficult but it's probably best to maintain a distance from him right now.
Talking to him will not help you to get over him, in fact it will only hurt you more.
Protect yourself from getting hurt any further and surround yourself with other people.
Distracting yourself from over thinking and musing about your previous relationship is also a good idea.
You can also use this time to focus on your friends and your family more.
Although you say you haven't connected emotionally with them that much, Maybe if you give them a chance they may surprise you.
You might find a good friend in someone new as well.
I hope this helps. Be strong and happy.
Take care. All the best.

Speak with a Relationship Counselor today
  • Anonymous and Convenient. Free Trial Available.
  • Send Unlimited Messages to your dedicated Counselor.
  • Book a Phone Session