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Unhappy with marriage after pregnancy and leaving job. Need help to resolve argument and fights between us.
Asked by female, 33 yrs, married
I am 33 year old and I have daughter aged 3 years. I am married since 4 years my problem started after I got pregnant and left the job. Me and my husband we both are not happy with each other we do argue, fight, etc almost every day. I don't have parents or elders who will guide us and my in-laws are not my side they only listen to their son. I am helpless, clueless need somebody who can solve issues between us.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

I can imagine your helplessness being in the position that you are in. It seems as if though you feel that leaving your job and having a child has led to these issues in your marriage and that it has somehow left you less independent than you were before. You look for elderly guidance but you only have your in-laws who take sides with your husband.

Moving on from being husband and wife to also becoming parents is not an easy transition. It brings along with it a lot of changes in the lives of both partners. Usually what happens in a fight is that the words spoken rarely even communicate the true intentions behind it and end up leaving both sides hurt and angry.

You mentioned that problems started after you got pregnant and left the job. So I'm assuming that things were fine between you both before that. Focus on understanding what was going on right back then. Try to understand the roots of what has really changed now that has brought about these changes in your marriage.

When in a fight it helps to let the other know that you are not up against him but are on the same team as him. If things get heated, try to come back to it when things are calmer. Sit with him and try to reignite what you both had before. Help him understand what you are looking for and how he can help you get that. Do the same for him too.

Fights are not uncommon in marriages, but when it gets frequent and leaves you both feeling that you both are unhappy in the relationship is when it really is a matter of grave concern. Going for couple's therapy would really help you both find a safe space to be heard fairly and understood without judgement and to resolve the roots of issues and build a stronger foundation.

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