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Want to get back with ex-girlfriend but she doesn't want it

Asked by Male, 46, Single
I had a mutual break up with my girlfriend but now I want to give us another chance but she is not willing as she says it was devastating for her and asked for time and space even though she agrees that she still loves me. I am unable to forget her.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help.

It seems that you are facing difficulty in your current status with your ex girlfriend. Although it was a mutual break up, in hindsight you have come to believe that you could have done better. But your ex girlfriend is not yet ready to give this relationship another try and is asking for some space to come to terms with the devastating end of the relationship. It seems that to her you are trying too hard to pursue her and she is asking for you to give her some space and time. Although she says that she still loves you, she is confused and unsure of what best future step she should take. It seems that you are finding it difficult to wrap your head around how could she not be willing to give the relationship a second chance. I understand that it must be a difficult position for you to be in given how much you both must have invested yourselves in this relationship over a period of time.

Firstly, I would appreciate the courage in you for being able to manage so far. It certainly would not have been easy for either of you.
Could you tell me a little bit about yourself and your ex girlfriend as individuals?
When did you both decide to break up and what was the reason behind it? How long has it been since the break up?
What made you say that you realise you could have done better?
What in your opinion made her say that it was devastating and that it would be better in the long run? What do you feel about that?
What do you think made her say that you are smothering her?
How was the relationship over these years?
Anyone you have shared this with? What does your typical day look like?
And lastly, how have you been coping so far? What helps you to keep going these days?
Answering these questions will help me understand your situation better and enable me to guide you accordingly.

Secondly, how would you like me to help you with your situation? What is it that you are hoping to seek through this counselling process?

Please respond back to continue our discussion. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Warm regards.

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