Who doesn’t want to be swept off their feet by that special someone and spend eternity together in loving bliss? Who doesn’t want a magical Disney movie ending with the happily ever after? The romanticism and sheer beauty of being in love, makes all of us long for the day we marry the love of our lives. But it’s interesting to note that all the stories end with the wedding; no one really talks about what happens in the marriage. So let’s attempt to answer the often unasked question of “how life changed after I got married to my boyfriend” .
What Was Great About Being Married to My Boyfriend?
When we talk about change, we always tend to assume a negative connotation, but change can be positive too. There are lots of great things about being married to the person you love, and these positive changes are also equally responsible for our transformations post marriage.
You can spend more time together
Anyone who has been in love, known the heady emotion that comes with it, when even hours spent in the company of your significant other passes by in a flash. That one hour coffee date, those precious three hours at the movies and even long holidays together don’t seem enough. The great thing about tying the knot is that you don’t have to restrict yourself to stolen moments at the mall or cherished hours at the cinema. You have all the time in the world to be with each other and enjoy each other’s company. There is also no need to sneak around, you have complete freedom to be with each other.
Your relationship matures
Remember those mindless arguments about who loves whom more? Well marriage teaches you to be grounded and more responsible, perhaps not immediately but it happens nonetheless. Frivolous expenses and grand gestures are replaced by thoughtful discussions where both of you take decisions together. It’s not uncommon to see your boyfriend who wouldn’t mind blowing a whole months savings on a fancy dinner, transform into a husband who thinks about saving for your future. You both become well-rounded partners with a common goal; your life together.
You build relationships with those close to your boyfriend
After marriage, the lines betweens ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ begin to blur and culminate into the ‘our’ category. His friends become your friends, her cousins become your cousins and your relationship becomes stronger for it. You learn to watch out for his people and he learns to care for your special people. It might take both of you a while to get to that comfortable space, but eventually this will happen and you will learn to love those close to both of you.
What Did I Hate About Being Married to My Boyfriend
As wonderful as marriage is, there are some areas that may be unexpected in an unpleasant way too. Every relationship is different, so what may be a problem for one may not be so for another. Take everything with a pinch of salt in the beginning of your life together and if the problems persist, seek help from marriage counsellors to sort out your differences.
Your In Laws Can Be Too Intrusive
When I got married to my boyfriend, I imagined a world where we would be making all our decisions together, much like how we did when we were dating. Not once did I think my grown up, thirty year old husband would have to get permission from his folks before we went out for a movie! These kind of things are common in marriages, especially for families in the subcontinent.
The stories about monster mothers-in-law and dominating fathers-in-law are common place enough. This is also one of the biggest adjustments both of you will have to make when it comes to the marriage.
To combat the difficulties that come with this situation, learn to communicate with each other, so other parties cannot influence your relationship. Tell your husband how you feel and listen to what he has to say. Be open and receptive. Eventually you will all find a comfortable balance in terms of managing your relationship with your in-laws.
You Are Bothered By Each Others Habits
Until you live together, you really don’t know everything about each other. He may snore loudly. You may be a sleep talker. And these can be quite frustrating for your significant other. There will be a certain adjustment period when it comes to living together. Unlike when you were dating, you are now always at close quarters and some habits can become infuriating. Learn to discuss your discomforts with your partner and don’t let your grouses fester.
“If they can’t moderate this abhorrent behavior, not only will this relationship implode, but so will any subsequent one they attempt.” said Sherry Amatenstein,an NYC based marriage counsellor and author of The Q&A Dating Book, Love Lessons From Bad Breakups and The Complete Marriage Counselor
Your Sex Life Changes
The initial phase of love is all about passion and intensity. You can’t keep your hands off each other and your physical attraction is at an all time high. This intensity predictably fades a few years into the marriage. You may not feel that rush of attraction, but intimacy will definitely increase.
A recent study indicates that in 15% to 20% of marriages couples have sexual intercourse less than 10 times per year. This occurs in recently wed couples nearly as often as in long-term partners.
For many of these problems, couples therapy is one of the most structured avenues to explore unacknowledged grievances and to learn how to keep your marriage full of mutual love and respect. Do not find the change, embrace it. Always remember that the reason you both got married was because of your shared admiration, affection and respect, until that changes there’s no reason to worry.