Married but in love with another Man – What should I do?

I am Pankti, married to a wonderful human being Pratham and blessed with a daughter Mishthi. People around me always crown me with the title of “luckiest woman ”. I have everything which is best for me – wonderful parents, courteous in-laws, efficacious husband, lovely kid and a comfortable living. For everybody, it is a perfect life. But for me, in my heart, there is something which is missing. Pratham is undoubtedly very loving and caring but he never expressed. The picture I had for my dream boy was very different from Pratham.  I carved for candlelight dinners, romance, flowers and frequent reminders from him that he loves me the most. But opposite from it Pratham used to think that it happens only in fairy tales.

One morning I met Rahul. He was new joinee in my office. His cool attitude and charismatic personality were instantly attracting everyone towards him. And I was no exception.  I still remember, when he came to me and said “Hi”, I was having butterflies in my stomach. I started talking to him frequently, Initially, the talks were work-related but with time office conversation changed into personal. We used to hang out after office. Text each other at home and it was like the onset of my fairy tale.

He knew I was married, but this could not stop us from getting closer to each other. He proposed me like my dream man. I had completely fallen for him.  I never felt the same for Pratham in our 5 years of marriage. At the same time, I was responsible enough towards my husband and family. I knew in my heart that I am doing wrong, But then I always strike away from my guilt feeling by justifying myself that “Everything is fair in love and war”.

It has been a year since I and Rahul are in a relationship. Now he says that I should leave my family and get married to him. But, I am not able to do this. How can I leave Pratham and Mishthi for my selfishness?  The feeling of depression is taking over my wellbeing. I am at a crossroad where I can neither leave my love, nor my husband. Right and wrong are just words for me. I do not know a way out. Only one question haunts me what should I do?

Well, above story is a fiction. But in real life maybe you or someone you know is going through the same dilemma.  Before you reach any conclusion there are few questions you need to ask yourself.

Questions to Ask Yourself

What do you want in a relationship?

Like Pankti carved for emotional bonding from her husband. Analyse what you want in a relationship. Try to find out what is the most positive thing you find about the new guy and ask yourself will these traits remain the same down the years. If you choose to stay in your current relationship this will help you talk to your spouse about what do you want.

Are you unhappy in your married life?

Think it! Are you really unhappy in your present relationship? Think about things this relationship has given you in terms of life, love and satisfaction. Often, the answer lies within you. Maybe a proper counselling and communication can fill the missing link in your relationship. Starting a new relationship will be a new challenge altogether.No relationship is perfect.

How will your current relationship affect other people?

When you get married it’s not just about you and your partner it’s about your families too. What will be the effect of your decision on them? If you have kids what consequences they will have to suffer because of your this decision. And above all will you be able to attain happiness after seeing your loved ones suffering so much.

Can you live without your husband forever?

We often tend to get bored with current relationship and when we meet someone we tend to fall for him to break the boredom. Remember the good times you have spent together. Remind yourself his positive qualities. Ask yourself can you live without your husband before flying off with another man. If every time you ask yourself this question and answer comes yes than better you leave but even 1 times it comes no better think it again.

Is it worth?

Think ahead of time. Think about 10 years ahead. Is it worth to create a mess and leave everything for this new guy? You are keeping your all other relationships at stake for this one relationship. Think wisely and then take a decision.

Falling in love is one of the best feelings. But, falling in love outside your marriage can turn into a disaster. If all the answers to the above questions say that you should continue your new relationship than follow your heart and move on with the new guy and settle into a new life. But, if you think that you want to sustain your relationship with your husband you will have to be strong enough to break all the ties with the new guy.

How to break ties with someone

Be Strong

For breaking ties with your new love you will have to be emotionally strong. Communicating this guy about the break up will be the biggest challenge for you. And being firm on this break up will be another one. You need to be strong enough to manage these challenges.

Also read:

Do not stalk him

If you stalk him after break up you will not be able to move forward. If possible take off from social media for some time.

Spend time with your husband 

Talk to your husband. Communicate him about the missing you feel in your marriage. Plan a trip with your family. This will keep you busy. The less you think about the broken relationship the less you will stress yourself.

No communication with your ex

No communication is the thumb rule for you to break ties with that person. If you think you can talk to him just like friends you are fooling yourself. Stay away from him and focus on your relationship with your husband.

Change your job

If you fear on walking back the memory lane when you see him. It is better to change the situation. Change your job so that you do not have to see him every day.

Love yourself

Do not seek your happiness in others because it lies within you. Love and pamper yourself. Try to make yourself happy by doing things you like.

Take Counselling 

Try counselling to come out of that relationship. Counselling will help you in two ways, firstly to come out of your stress for breaking this relationship and secondly to improve your relationship with your husband.


If you wish to learn how to overcome the deep emotion you currently feel for your lover and find the way to have a fulfilling marriage with your mate, we at askmile can help. Counselling can help you in two ways. First, to help you deal with your feelings for your love and Second to strengthen your relationship with your husband.

Online Counseling Askmile