Intimacy acts as salt to your life. It is never seen but its absence spoils the taste of your relationship. Can you survive a relationship without intimacy? This article is all about intimacy and to bring back the spark in your relationship.
“Jennifer, I am leaving for office.” Shouted Harry from the gate! By the time Jennifer came out he had already left. Tears rolled down Jennifer’s eyes. She missed those days when Harry would hug her tight and kiss her forehead before going to the office.
Jennifer sat on the floor and started thinking what has gone wrong in the seven years of their marriage. They both have a good career and one beautiful daughter. On the surface, it is a happy family. They are seen as a perfect couple by there friends. But inside why she is not feeling right. Her husband who loved her so much, why his reactions have become so cold? They are living in the same house, they are sharing their bed but she could hardly remember the last time when they had an intimate sex session.
According to our relationship experts, after seven years, the romance and excitement in the marriage wear off. The reason behind this is that couples know each other well by then and settles in their routines, It may look normal from the outer end but is a serious problem as couples start taking each other for granted. And both of them starts feeling neglected and lonely.
What is intimacy?
Intimacy is often called as the art of relationship. It may be physical or emotional. Both are interlinked and play a vital role in the success of a relationship.
Variants of Intimacy
There are basically four variants of intimacy and they play a different role in our lives. Combination of all the four makes your relationship complete and successful.
Do you understand each other? Can you talk for hours without getting bored? Do your intellectual wavelengths match? This is what is called Intellectual Intimacy. It is not about having more IQ. It’s about your approach towards life and your relationship as a whole. Maybe your thinking is different about life but your way to approach harmony in your relationship is common.
This is the most important variant of intimacy. Often the couples have complaints of lack of emotional intimacy. Lack of this intimacy makes you feel unsafe. The couples who have Emotional Closeness have a better understanding of each others feelings.
You must be thinking how Spiritual aspect is a variant of intimacy. But yes it has. Your faith in God and superpowers make you feel connected to your partner. You feel God wanted you two to be in a relationship and probably you see a part of God in each other. There is more respect. There is more sincerity if you have this intimacy variant in your relationship.
Sexual relations play an important role in this. But it is not just limited to having sex. Rather it is about touch, about closeness. It is about sharing the most important part of yourself with each other.
Reasons for Intimacy Missing in Marriage
Below are few reasons which definitely affects the intimacy level in a relationship.
It is hard to believe that stress could impact a person’s sexual desire. Stress makes you feel tired and exhausted. You do not find the idea of having sex appealing. This, in turn, affects your relationship.Try talking to your partner if you feel stressed or vice versa. It’s you two who can help each other to off shoulder burdens of life.
Also Read: Top 10 reasons why marriages end in divorce
2. Not feeling good about yourself
Low self-esteem can badly affect a relationship. Especially when it comes to physical intimacy because what you feel about yourself is reflected in your body language. According to researchers shame and anxiety about one’s body lead to the avoidance of physical closeness and reduced sexual satisfaction. Try to increase your self-esteem by feeling good about what you do and not how you look.
If your partner initiates sex and you reject it. There is a feeling of rejection which goes in his mind. Constant rejections can make take a toll on your relationship. Your partner might stop initiating sex altogether rather than face the possibility of rejection. He/she might begin to shy away from all displays of affection.
4. Lack of Emotional connect
Emotional connect relates to the closeness of two people on an emotional level, comprising feelings of love and admiration, romance, and spirituality.Your marriage will deteriorate into a boring, cold, and lonely existence if there is no emotional connection between you and your partner. This, in turn, will make you both unhappy in the marriage. Emotional connect also boost trust and security in the relationship. It promotes forgiveness, engagement, and boosts morale.
How to Increase Intimacy in Your Marriage
There is no silver bullet to increase intimacy in a relationship. However constant efforts, an open communication, and focused efforts can act as magic. Below are few ways to increase Intimacy in your relationship.
Get specific about your intimacy concerns
Are you unhappy with your physical intimacy or your emotional intimacy? They are interrelated; in some marriages, a lack of emotional intimacy leads to a lack of physical intimacy. It may be vice versa too (eg, a lack of physical intimacy creates problems with emotional intimacy in marriage). If there is no Intimacy in your marriage at all, your relationship definitely needs a help.
Don’t try to change your partner
Love is not about changing, It is about accepting someone with all his flaws. The most important part of intimacy is to love your partner as he or she is. Rather than focusing on bringing change in their personality, work on yourself. Think about your expectations, your attitude towards your relationship. Think if you are demanding or unrealistic. Maybe the problem is just in your mind. You are the best person to answer your queries.
Take Ownership of Your Feelings
You are responsible for your thoughts. Nobody on earth is responsible for your happiness or sorrows. Do not blame your partner for this lack of intimacy. Take the responsibility for your feelings. For example, if you are feeling neglected in this relationship. It’s not your spouse’s fault. Rather there is some misunderstanding. Get up and work your part to get the spark back.
Make your partner feel loved
Nurture and love your partner to bring back the missing intimacy in your lives. Try to understand the meaning of love from your partner’s point of view. Do things which makes him/her feel happy. Maybe for you, intimacy is going out for a long drive and your partner just feels intimate being cozy in the bedroom. Bring a mutual way so that both of you feel involved in this relationship. Let actions speak louder than words. Shower your partner with kisses, hugs, and touch. It is not necessary these actions always end in having sex.These acts become more meaningful when they are executed as a way of sharing feelings and not just to get the other person to satisfy your sexual needs.
Take care of yourself
Your well being has a greater connection to your relationship. Feel good about yourself. Do not wait for your partner to compliment you. Do things which make you feel happy. Go to yoga classes. Keep yourself fit. pamper yourself. Because if you are happy, you will definitely make your partner happy.
We all have heard that communication is key to success. It is also true in a relationship. If you are struggling to increase the intimacy in your relationship it is very important to speak your heart out to your partner. Praise your partner for little things he/she does for you. Speak those three magical words “I LOVE YOU” daily. Do not let any misinterpretations and misunderstanding haunt your relationship. Make your partner believe that he/she is loved. This feeling of being loved will carve the path to increased intimacy.
Change Your Surroundings
Taking a break from your regular routine or changing your surroundings help a lot to break the boredom in a relationship. Try giving your bedroom a new look. Plan outings with friends. If you have children than arranging a holiday alone is a chance to rediscover the fun you once had when it was just the two of you. Also going on a solo trip to rejanuvate yourself will help a lot.
If you feel, you have done enough efforts but things are not working out. Do not hesitate to take professional help. Profesional counselors provide scientific solutions to the issues. Also, there will be no fear of anyone judging you. Relationship counselors will help you take a systematic approach towards the well being of your relationship.
If you or your loved ones are facing intimacy issues in marriage, do not hesitate to reach out for support. Speak with our counsellors anonymously at Askmile.com.