It has happened. One day you were basking in a confidence of your stable romantic relationship and the next one you were alone. Your partner broke up with you and you feel lost now. You thought this would never happen to you because the two of you were so happy together…But you were wrong.
All you can think of now are the happy times you had together. Songs on the radio, smells and places… everything reminds you of your ex. And this makes you sad and desperate to call or text your partner. You are entering the red zone here. Therefore this is the right moment to apply the No Contact Rule. This means that you are not supposed to initiate contact with your ex in any way for at least 20 to 30 days.
According to John Alex Clark, Relationship & Life Coach, no contact rule actually serves two purposes: the first one is getting on with your life, of course. However, according to the author, this rule can also help you get your ex back.
But then, what exactly no contact rule involves? Moreover, how do you benefit from it? Let’s find out.
C L Grant, the author of several relationship books says that no contact rule after breakup includes:
- No calls
- No messages or emails
- No stalking
- No contacting your ex’s family or friends.
Benefits of No Contact Rule
And here is the list of ten main benefits of no contact rule after a breakup.
1. No Contact Rule as the Best Way to Move On
According to psychologists, if you keep in touch with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, you will be constantly reminded of the good times you had together. And this will make your healing process much harder and longer.
Also, stalking them, pretending that you bumped into them accidentally or following them on their social media profiles won’t make your life after the breakup easier either.
No matter how desperate to know about your ex’s life you might be, refrain from finding out. Stop asking your mutual friends about your ex’s life. No information about them will make the healing process easier and less painful.
2. You’ll Get the Better Understanding of the Breakup Reasons
Not contacting your partner will give you time to clearly think about your relationship and the things that went wrong. Don’t waste your time blaming yourself or your partner, though. This rule doesn’t mean that. Be honest to yourself and take your share of the responsibility for a breakup. Think of the things that were good in your relationship and helped you grow as a person.
This will benefit your future relationships, or make the relationship with your ex succeed, if you get back together again.
3. Not Contacting your Ex Allows You to make New Memories
Making a firm decision not to initiate contact with your ex will motivate you to go out and develop new interests. This will create numerous opportunities for you to meet new people, visit unexplored places and make new memories.
According to mental health experts, you need to start a new chapter in your life after a breakup. You must focus on creating happy memories. Moreover, you need to learn to find happiness in yourself, and not to depend on others for your feeling of joy.
In addition, this step is important because the new memories will not be related to your ex and the mixed feelings attached to them.
Consequently, new memories will boost your confidence and give you a sense of getting your life back on the track. You will start realizing that it’s possible to enjoy life without your ex and this will make you feel better.
4. No Contact after the Breakup Gives you a Self-Reflection Time
After a relationship ends you need some time to be on your own. This doesn’t mean you are supposed to spend weeks crying, judging and blaming yourself for the ending of your relationship. No. Use this time to reflect what you want in life and what can you do to achieve your goals.
Do all those things you always enjoyed, but didn’t have enough time for while you were in a relationship. Spend time pampering yourself, reading your favorite books and reconnecting with old friends.
Devoting time to yourself will help you realize that you are a strong, self-dependent and confident individual who doesn’t necessarily need another person to find peace and happiness.
5. You can Finally Reconnect with Your Friends and Family
During the happy times of your relationship, you probably neglected some of your friends and family members. Doing things as a couple didn’t leave you much time for hanging out with your old buddies or visiting your beloved auntie. You probably felt guilty from time to time about abandoning your old connections. Yet you thought that’s normal when a person is involved in an emotional relationship.
Now, when you are applying no contact rule after a breakup, you have the opportunity to rejoin with your old friends and family members. Whether you meet up with your old classmates, friends from college or neighborhood, you get to fully enjoy your recovered relationships.
Do all those crazy little things that only friends can do. Go for an endless shopping outings with your girlfriends. Party all night long. Or just hang out over a cup of coffee with your cousin. Now you can enjoy every bit of it without the feeling of guilt for neglecting your partner. In addition, your old friends and family members can be a great source of support system while you’re coping with the breakup.
6. Following No Contact Rule after the Breakup Helps you Sort Out Your Feelings
After your relationship with a loved one ends, your emotions are mixed and confusing. You love and hate your ex at the same time. You feel sad and nostalgic. In addition, you feel lost and incapable of experiencing happiness again.
These feelings are normal part of healing process and moving on after the breakup. However, keeping in touch with your ex will just make you more confused and frustrated. Following the updates on their social media and finding out that you partner is having a good time with other people will leave you disappointed, sad and angry.
You need to move on. You have to distance yourself from your ex in order to get yourself back and regain your peace. No contact rule after the breakup will help you put your life into perspective.
7. No Contact Rule Prevents You from Denigrating Yourself
Feverishly trying to keep up with you ex’s life will only make things worse. If you are constantly calling, texting or showing up at your ex partner’s favorite places you may look desperate or even bizarre. You might feel rejected again. Obsessively checking your phone or social media profiles for a message and not finding one may make you sink deeper in despair.
For that reason, you need to give yourself some space. This will prevent you from all the mentioned foolish activities that will only diminish your self-esteem in the end.
8. No Frustrating On and Of Relationship Mode
Accidentally bumping into your ex (which is not accidental at all, most of the time), calling, texting or emailing them will most likely get you back together occasionally. This will only prolong your torment after the breakup, giving you false hope that you two can work it out.
‘No strings attached’ is not the way you want to go. If you and your partner have not decided to seriously rebuild your relationship, try not to engage in occasional getting-back-together affairs with him/her.
9. No Contact Rule as a Great Way of Setting Boundaries
Let’s say your ex calls you late at night saying that he went to your favorite restaurant that evening and that brought fond memories of you. He is asking you to see him. What will you do?
It is time to set boundaries. This means that you need to act with a self-respect and let people (including your ex!) know what you are and what you are not ready to tolerate. Late night calls usually do not mean your ex wants you back for the rest the life. Ask yourself does your ex treat you with respect. No matter how longing for them you might feel, learn how no assertively say no to your ex-partner.
10. No Contact Rule will Give You the Opportunity to Fall in Love Again
Eventually, taking a time out and refraining from contacting your ex will open the doors to a new love. Spend time with old friends. Go out and meet new people. Take small steps though. Don’t rush into another relationship just to get over your ex. This can be a huge mistake.
Applying no contact rule after the breakup is of a vital importance if you want to stop hurting and move on with your life after your romantic relationship ends. Sticking to your decision not to contact your ex will help you regain confidence and put your life into perspective. In addition, not getting involved with your ex will motivate you to meet new people and make new memories.
However, if you feel that you cannot cope with your feelings after your relationship ends, don’t hesitate to seek a support of a mental health professional. There are numerous options of online and traditional counseling available today that can help you move on with your life after the breakup.