You just went through a hurtful break up. And you think it is impossible to have a happy life ever again. All you can feel is sadness and pain. But don’t despair. Life is full of joy and opportunities. You just have to open up for good things after a breakup. And we will share a few tips on how to motivate yourself to be happy again.
1. Accept the Truth
The first thing you need to do after a breakup is to accept the reality, no matter how hard it is. Accepting the things as they are is the best way to move forward. That way you won’t be spending energy on false hopes of getting back together.
Accepting the truth that your relationship is over is hard and painful process, but the necessary one. The sooner you make a peace with reality, the better. However, this doesn’t mean you are supposed to suppress your feelings. Break up is a kind of loss and it is completely ok to be sad and mourn your loss.
2. Stick to No Contact Rule after a Break Up
Don’t try to contact your ex. Calling, texting or following them on social media will only make things worse. You can get disappointed and hurt over and over again. Staying in touch with your ex will make it hard to sort out your feelings and put your life into perspective. Additionally, it will prevent you from experiencing new things and meeting new people. That’s why no contact rule after a breakup is the best way to happiness after the relationship ends.
3. Stay Positive
Try to keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. Although it seems like the end of the world right now, your breakup will probably turn out to be a good thing. Hard times that you are going through now are just an episode in your life. And don’t forget, after the clouds, the sun always shines.
Don’t cry for what you lost. Count your blessings instead. Despite your breakup, you surely have a lot to be thankful for. Be grateful for all those good things in your life: your family, friends, good health and prospective opportunities.
4. Be Productive
Try to stay functional and productive no matter how lethargic you feel after the breakup. Devote your time and efforts to work or school. Engage in things you enjoy doing like hobbies or charity activities. Make a list of the things that you always wanted to do, but didn’t have time for while in a relationship. This might be the right time to start doing them.
Keeping busy will give you sense of usefulness and it will boost your confidence. In addition, fulfilling your tasks will distract you from current situation and negative emotions.
5. Spend Time with Family and Friends
The fact that you are alone again gives you the opportunity to spend more time with the loved ones. Being in a relationship for a long time almost certainly kept you away from your old friends. Similarly, spending time with your partner didn’t leave much space for hanging out with your family. Now you can make up for all that you missed while you were in a relationship.
Aside from simply enjoying the company of the closed ones, you can turn to your family and friends as a support network when you need to talk about your feelings.
6. Express Your Feelings
Don’t pretend it’s nothing and you’re fine. Allow yourself to be sad and vulnerable. Accept the support of your family and friends. Of course, spending all your days crying over your situation can’t help. But suppressing your feelings can cause negative long-term consequences like chronic physical illnesses. In addition, if you are suppressing your feelings you are more likely to develop depression or anxiety.
Maybe you can’t cope with your feelings without support. Sometimes it’s just too much for us to bare. Some emotions are overpowering our coping mechanisms. And that’s ok. You can always seek help from a mental health provider. There are numerous online relationship counselors available today. So you don’t even have to go to a therapist’s office. You ca get help from the security of your home if you feel more comfortable that way.
7. Enjoy Your Loneliness
Take this time to do all those things you like. Maybe you couldn’t do some of them while you were in a relationship. For instance, perhaps you enjoy extreme sports, but you never got to do any because your partner was scared to death of rock climbing. Add some thrill to it. Challenge yourself to try new things like parachuting or cave diving.
Plus, you can finally get rid of that sofa from your apartment now that you’re alone. You never wanted it in your living room anyways. Yet, you didn’t want to hurt your partner’s feelings. Now that you are single again, take this as a chance to make decisions on your own and enjoy your life freely.
8. Don’t Live in the Past
When you think of your ex, all you can think about is your good old times together. However, your memories need to stay where they belong. You need to accept the fact that past is past and it will never happen again. Living in the past can make it harder to heal and move on after a break up.
Concentrate on present instead. Live in a moment. Analyze your feelings and try to stay with the positive ones. Make a list of positive aspects of being alone.
Make plans for your future. That doesn’t have to be anything big. Make small steps. Anything that will give you back the sense that you are controlling your life will be fine. Remember, our subconscious is more powerful that we can even dream about. Dream about the good things that will happen to you.
9. Try to Avoid Bitterness
Instead of blaming and cursing your ex, try to forgive and wish him/her all the best. Being bitter won’t help you feel better at the end of the day. On the other hand, the selflessness will heal you. Being selfless is a positive way of approaching life. It will make you feel happy and at peace with yourself.
10. Work on your Self-Respect
Value yourself. Respect yourself if you want others to respect you. Set the boundaries. The fact that you’re alone shouldn’t make you an easy prey. Let people know what you will and what you will not tolerate in the way they treat you.
Others will value you only if you show them that you value yourself.
11. Give Yourself Time to Heal
According to F. Diane Barth, L.C.S.W., a psychotherapist and a psychoanalyst, research showed that we feel an emotional injury in the same way we feel the physical one. Therefore, similar to a physical harm, our emotional wound also needs time to heal. And you need to allow yourself this time.
Establish healthy life style. Eat well and get enough sleep. Pamper yourself. Stay the whole day in your pajamas, reading your favorite book, watching movies and eating tons of ice-cream. Treat yourself with a day in the spa and nights out with your friends.
12. Stay Active
Go for long walks and enjoy the nature. Go biking, swimming or hiking. Sport is a great way of keeping your mind and body healthy. Whether you decide to take part in group sports, join a cycling group or engage in individual sports, you will feel benefits from it very soon.
13. Stay Connected
Try to find a joy of life in little things around you. Appreciate small gestures of kindness from strangers. Talk to your baker or your barista while he’s making your favorite coffee. Don’t let the disappointment affect your attitude towards other people around you.
Create opportunities of meeting new people and making new connections. New contacts will bring a breath of fresh air to your life. Also, it will create the feeling that you are moving forward after a break up.
14. Stop Defining Yourself by Your Relationship
People that spent years in a relationship tend to define and introduce themselves as so-and-so partner. Don’t think of yourself as of your ex’s partner. You have qualities that make you unique and special. Emphasize them and be proud of who you are.
Always keep in mind that every end is a new beginning. Although it hurt you, your break up is not the end of the world. On the contrary, the end of your previous romantic relationship can open the door to many new prospects in life.
Don’t rush into a new relationship in order to get over the one that have just ended, though. Try not to engage in toxic behaviors like drugs or alcohol abuse.
Although it wasn’t your choice, this is a fresh start for you. So, take a deep breath and step into it boldly.