“It is complicated” a relationship status commonly seen on social media. Its a fact applicable more in this country than any other.
I say that because we live in a country where love and marriage are haunted by the demons of caste, financial status and horoscopes. Even age differences. Yes marriage is definitely extremely complicated in this country. If you manage to vanquish or rise above all these factors there are issues regarding inlaws, dowry, inequality, gender bias and generally a difference of views.
Sometimes i am awed by the fact that so many do last. And then there is love.. What makes a relationship of love so complicated? The answers are simple. Expectations of time, doubts on loyalty and issues of commitment
In love and marriage both, there can exist greater evils of selfishness, dominance, jealousy, fear and hatred. The darker side of love.
Every one of these factors has had books written about it, fact and fiction both. We humankind are a judgemental lot. When in love, we become fools instead of being wise.
We put our partners on pedestals expecting quality time and easygoing romance . When we realise that they’re just another mortal human capable of errors and betrayal, we are either broken hearted or filled with rage. Awash with self righteousness and revenge, we become worse than any animal. We retaliate with cold blood, brute force and and plunge into suffering.
Our gadgets make tracking easier and opportunities ample. The web is a seduction and our fingers are nimble, progressing from facebook to tinder in split seconds, totally forgetting that what might soothe us is to find forgiveness in our hearts. The energies of love are forgotten. Instead we put near maniacal efforts to soothe our ruffled egos and look for the right things in all the wrong places.
Money cannot heal us, drugs cannot pacify and lust definitely does not satisfy.
The dilemma is that our relationships start early, usually with school crushes and innocent love and by the time we are into adulthood we are jaded. We have run out of time and patience, unable to find joy and happiness.
Abusive relationships are the worst. They leave scars that taint the soul. The abused cope with feelings of insecurity and self hate. These people can either become clingy or remote harming their own personalities. Unable to let go, unable to move on… They become numb and unapproachable.
Next in line are same sex or transgender relationships. The societal pressures alone make the possibility of any happiness remote. Judged, criticised and ridiculed, they suffer.
Live ins are another social taboo in india. A family would rather have their kids divorced than bear the brunt of having their children into a live-in relationship. Hiding and disconnect breed guilt. It is a very tough road ahead.H
We need help. Help that cannot be given by friends and acquaintances since they are living in an equally complicated world. We need qualified professional help that we mostly do not consider.
Mature counselling that helps you grow and strengthen yourself. Online marriage counselling can help you cope with abuse, neglect, fear and self loathing. It might not be necessary to seek help but it is when YOU find happiness in yourself can you spread it elsewhere. Checking our own vices, letting go of anger, fear and disappointment are needed. Choosing independence and detachment is not easy. To choose faith over doubt never is, but it is worth it to find it. That is how we find ourselves. That is how we find peace, love and healing.