Extramarital affairs, a situation that is rarely taken lightly even by the Marital Therapists. Though they are as common as a daytime television but truth be told , AN AFFAIR IS LITERALLY A TRAUMA.
YES , it’s a trauma because of the subsequent emotional devastation and shock that an affair causes may not only breaks the bond that existed for years but also gradually lowers the self esteem of the partner who is victimized.
However there are some imperative psychological methods to deal with such situations which helps you face it emotionally as well as intellectually.
Listed below are step wise process on how to deal with an extramarital affair :
Careful negotiation of these steps will never ;et any such scenario put an end to your relationship and will always maintain it at the zenith of its glory.
1 . REVEAL THE TRUTH THAT LIES WITHIN
- While you are in a scenario like this and somehow or the other you end up questioning yourself “WHY AM I DOING THIS ?”, then never let go of this moment.
- The worst part is quite often you ignore the logic and avoid any question within your mind that vaguely escapes your comfort zone.
- But believe me, there is a very strong need for you to look for the truth that lies within.
- The reason I want you to initiate with this step because quite we confuse a few moments of pleasure or a sexual attraction with happiness and fulfillment. However, this is not at all true.
- Every relationship is made up of enormous connections , memories ,love and respect and these are the basic pillars that which ensures long term fulfillment.
- Therefore , the moment you realize it was nothing but a mere attraction , escape out of it as soon as possible.
- And the only way to come across this realization is to question yourself and look for the TRUTH.
- This is the initial step that you need to take in order to deal with extramarital issue.
- IF THE PAST IS BACK AGAIN
- Keeping in mind the fact that one can’t start loving someone wholeheartedly overnight, it’s quite possible that you are in this dilemma because of your past lover.
- When you have literally loved someone in the past and come across him now, things might get a bit weird and unpredictable.
- No matter how long the duration might have been , memories of the first love is always vibrant in some corner of the brain.
- This sudden change in the scenario and all those enormous memories of the past together will definitely end up leaving you in a worse dilemma. You are supposed to find yourself in a state of complete confusion and feel an inclination towards the past.
- And the worst case scenario that might happen is you will end up believing “MY GOD , I AM IN LOVE AGAIN”.
- Here is where you commit the mistake. The only reason for this is you confused those moments of strangeness with LOVE.
- The reason you might be feeling this way is because of the error in your belief system. You have always believed LOVE CAN’T HAPPEN TWICE ,which is definitely untrue.
- There is a very a strong need for you to understand the fact that EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS ITS OWN TIME , AND WITH EVERY PASSING TIME IT MIGHT POSSIBLY END TOO.
- There is nothing wrong in it.
- However , holding the past firmly might destroy your present. And that will result in worst situations.
- So act smart and throw away all the extramarital affair dilemmas.
- DO TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY
- If you have literally questioned yourself and figured out the main reason for this whole confusion, don’t be a coward. DO TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY.
- It may sound as walking on fire barefoot but if you literally wish to save the relationship, there is a very imperative need for you to act brave .
- Truth will not only save the strong bond that existed between you and your spouse for years but also fill you with a long term satisfaction. This will gradually help you to forgive yourself.
- However if you refuse or fail to show remorse, probability of reparation is quite slim.
- Always remember the fact that EXPRESSION OF ANGER ALONE IS ENOUGH TO DECREASE THE OPPORTUNITY FOR HEALING.
- BELIEVE IN TIME , IT HEALS
- It’s quite obvious that you would repress discussion of the affair. You would try every possible way to skip this topic.
- But this is the worst part. Because you’re completely unaware of the fact that the more we skip it the more ugly scenarios we have to face.
- Therefore the victimized partner should be allowed and appropriate amount of time so that he can vent his feelings which also include his anger.
- The most important thing that you should be worried about is there must not be any space for ego in such cases.
- Time is the best medicine which can heal this relationship and make it even better than the way it was.
- Break the IDEA OF LOVE TRIANGLE:-
- The basic idea for the betterment of the relationship ,after an extramarital affair , is to de-triangulate the lover and not to bring him deeper into your relationship.
- If you don’t speak up about everything to your spouse it’s really going to be very complicated for him look for the truth and he will end up accepting worst conclusions that will definitely destroy the relationship.
- Therefore reveal the truth break the idea of love triangle as soon as possible.
- COMMUNICATION MUST NOT BE CLOSED:-
- This is a very strong need for you to keep the lines of communication open because this is the only way to heal quickly.
- Moreover, because our society seems to hold certain fascination and trust with affairs, it will definitely be hard to escape the past.
- But closing the lines of communication will make it even harder for both of the partners to understand each other and will lead to worst conclusions that might happen in a extramarital affair.
Therefore it’s really important for each partner to remain empathic and patient enough to continue to allow productive discussion on the topic whenever needed.
Successful negotiation of these 6 imperative steps will definitely drag you out of the this worst trauma of extramarital affair.
Moreover it will help each of you to forgive yourself and one another.