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Habitually cheating husband, unable to work due to spondylitis

Asked by Female, 43, Married

Yes, my husband is cheating on me, but he has all the excuses in the world to give. We are been married for twenty years now and he has been in the relationship with his brother's wife since the time his brother passed away in 2005. Actually his sister-in-law had an extra marital affair when her husband was alive, but after the death of her husband I came to know about the fact about her relationship. I even saw her on bed with a guy the day when her husband was dead and kept in the morgue to be buried the next day. I only have a son and when he was in forth standard the truth was revealed to her sons whi were 16 - 17 years of age then that my husband is sleeping along with their mother they became voilent with her and removed her out of the house. Then she went to her mother's house. I did not trust the kids when they told me this, but I made them understand that it could be a mistake they must have seen something and interpreted something else. My husband said that it was all wrong and he was clean. Then I saw personally in 2010 with one another and we had a fight and my he promised me that all this will end. He regretted for what he had done. Now just in the month of September he bought a new iPhone and he didn't know how to operate it. He clicked nude pics of her and deleted it. When I picked up the phone to delete unwanted stuff, I saw her naked pics in different poses, some standing, some lying on the bed, some were of just her private part with legs spread wide and some of her boobs. I became mad when I saw the pics. Forgiving him so many times he is still doing the same thing. Now he says that the relatives force him to go along with her so that she doesn't go outside the house for sex. He started blaming them now and the best part they too agreed to it. In the past and now I requested him to release me from this relationship but he doesn't want to leave me, maybe a fear of alimony. I had to leave my job because of spondylitis and its been four years now. I couldn't take any job now. I have no relatives that can take care of me. My son is in twelfth now and planning to do medical. If I divorce first of all he is not going to give the money for the studies of my child secondly he wouldn't give any compensation for my and my son's living. I don't even know if my son is interested in staying with me. My husband has washed his brain with his manipulating talks. Suggest me what should I do. The doctor said that I have a severe depression due to which I am putting on weight. I have migrane when I think about all this and my spondylitis has increased due to which I feel dizziness always. Please tell me what to do.

Answer

Salma Prabhu

Clinical Psychologist

Answered almost 5 years ago

Hello,

It is really commendable that you have carried in this relationship for so many years. Also good that you have finally decided to take help.

It is not surprising that you have all the physical ailments which are due to the constant stress and pressure you have been living in.

The first thing to do is take care of your health. Focus in yourself and stop thinking about what is happening with your husband and his morals. Four years of no work is what have caused the other issues of depression and migraine. So being in with the first goal that is take care of your health.

There are multiple things np you need to do which are not very expensive

1. Look for a good ayurvedic doctor who will clean away all the negative painful issues of your body and mind

2. Join a yoga class. Yoga classes are not very expensive and they shall help you tremendously

3. Make it a point to connect with nature and find peace and tranquility in nature. Try to learn from nature also

4. Stop talking about your husband and trying to prove to anyone about what he is doing, he is doing wrong, however you need to focus on your situation.

5. Get out of the mode of being a victim and take the mode of a person in charge of your own destiny.

6. Make a list of all that you want from your life including financial, emotional, health wise wok wise etc.

7. Look at the list each day and visualise it all happening and say a gratitude prayer thanking that it has happened.

Remember if you keep doing the same things you have been doing until now, you shall get the same results.

So take charge can make a change. This world is full of examples of people who have turned it around for themselves.

Do a forgiveness act even if it is not genuine in your mind each day for your husband and free yourself from the emotional chains you have build around his thoughts.

Please take care of yourself and do not expect anyone else to do it.

I pray for your happiness and your strength.

With magical love

Salma

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