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Impatience, psycho lover husband wants another chance after asking for separation

Asked by Female, 38, Married
We were married before 8 years. I do teaching job. He is an army man. I alone look after our two kids. He always has a doubt on my character. And I think he is my psycho lover. He madly loves me. But he hurts my emotions. Love is there but our priorities are different. We blame each other. Now condition has become so bad that he began to ask for divorce. He harassed me so much that I came to my mother's home and ready for divorce. Now he is feeling sorry and wants another chance. He is very impatient he wants every thing should solve in just one day. His impatience is distroying everything.
Thumb sneha jayagopal

Dear writer, I appreciate your having written to us. I understand that you find yourself in a difficult situation and I imagine it can be emotionally draining as well. So let's try putting it in perspective. You said your husband loves you a lot and is loyal to you, that he is a complex man, yet he questions your character. You said that he is an army man and he goes away on postings, so that means this is a long distance marriage? Do you think this brings out his insecurities about your relationship? I understand that it can hurt to have your character questioned so much, it also means that your husband is not able to trust you. Had it always been like this or did something trigger this doubt in the husband's mind? You mentioned that you both have different priorities, can tell you me more about that? You also said that he takes his frustrations out on you by faulting your character. It is an unhealthy way of dealing with frustrations. How do you react to him when he does that? I can surmise that with the passage of time you have different expectations from your relationship and while that's perfectly natural, it is clashing with what your husband expects from you. You say he is not able to savor the present since he holds the good days from the past as some kind of measure to live up to. Either ways it shows that there is something your husband is struggling to let go of and accept. You are right to feel that problems have to be worked on and things cannot be okay in a day. Even though your husband pushed for a divorce and now wants back in, this experience can bring up pretty strong feelings in you and you need the time to deal with them? The most important point is, what do you want to do now? Ask yourself what is it that you need from your husband at this juncture and can you tell him about it? Please do message back to continue our discussion.

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