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Married with 1.5 year old daughter. No respect or interest from husband in me and my daughter.

Asked by Female, 31, Married
I am a married working mother of a beautiful 1.5 yr old daughter. I have been married since 5 yrs. I feel I am constantly unhappy in this relationship. I don't​ get the respect that I deserve from my partner. He does not show any interest in me and my daughter. He takes least responsibilities when it comes to family matters. Even though I have a full time job, soon after I am home, single handedly I have to do all the work from cooking to cleaning and taking care of baby. I absolutely don't get any help from my partner. He simply doesn't care what I am going through. Keeps picking up fights with me. I am really fed up and don't know what to do. Please help!
Thumb sneha jayagopal

Dear Shweta, thank you for writing in. I understand that your situation can be really frustrating and hurtful for you. It's natural to expect support, respect and validation from your partner. I understand that you don't feel appreciated or valued for what you do and that can hurt. It's​ quite an achievement that you manage your work, home and your family. I understand that letting your husband know about this hasn't yielded the results you hoped for. How do you communicate with him though? Do you wait till the anger builds up and then let it all out or is there a discussion about the problems? Either ways it had led you to believe that your husband doesn't take your issues seriously and that he doesn't care. Trying to give him a taste of his own medicine by reacting like him might not be the most favorable way to approach this. It's asking you to become someone else and address a problem. What I surmise is that your husband doesn't know the depth of what you're feeling. Perhaps he hadn't quite grasped how hurt you are and how angry his reactions and disinterest makes you feel. This situation asks for you to look at yourself as well. When there is so much on your plate already, do you have to try and manage everything? You might want to treat yourself better, for that ask yourself whether you value your time enough to give yourself a break when you are drained and really need it? Unless you give yourself your dues, you won't be getting it from any corner either. You are full time working mother and that's great. So what can you do to reward yourself for your efforts? If it means not excelling at housekeeping once in a while, can you accept that? The time you give to yourself is paramount and that's something you are entitled to. Do you find yourself compromising on leisure time because there are chores you need to see to? It's never worth tiring yourself out especially when it is at your cost. When you don't get the validation you need from your partner, do you validate yourself? Do you feel less than perfect if you don't manage your home once you're back from work? Ask yourself what does your husband respond to and when does he say something nice to you? What are the things that you like about him? Please do message back to continue our discussion.

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