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Short-tempered husband, lack of understanding

Asked by Female, 29, Married
My husband loves me bt has a very short temper n wil nt think twice b4 snapping at me evn b4 his family members..I dnt think he respects me..before marriage he was crazy abt me bt nw it's just d opposite..sometimes I feel he is fed up of me..I miss him a lot n hw he ws b4...we both dn't understand eachothr..m fed up of tolerating his ways..help
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Chandni Gandhi
Counselling Psychologist


This has been quiet common, many married women says , " my husband has changed after wedding" or " he does not respect me" etc, many ladies are facing the same thing like you, i can understand that you might be feeling disappointed, hopeless and frustrated by this, but good thing is it can be worked upon with little efforts.

First thing i would want you to reflect upon is if you understand his ways of expressing love and respect? often it happens that we have style of expressing love and respect and we expect our partners to express in the same way, For example some people enjoy invite guests and feed them with loads of food, thats their way of expressing but it might get little irritating for guests who can not eat so much nor refuse another example could be you might like hugging your partner and wants to convey that you love him/her by that gesture but for him it might be not be comfortable and message that he receive would be different. So its important that you learn about what are his ways as well.

Marriage is a big shift, and like with any new event this would have also brought lot of changes in both of you. Behaving in public is something we learn only after getting married, because before that couples get to meet either alone or around friends, both instances where you are mostly casual about it and Many husbands tend to take more time in realising and adjusting to these things, it would be really helpful if you express yourself without blaming him and bring this to his notice, chances are he does not know your expectations and how you feel so far.

Do not bottle up till you are fed up, express yourself more often this reduces intensity at which you feel things and gives you ability to think clearly and also understand his perspective.

Few other things you can do to revive your relationship can be as follows

Find out common things that you can do, it could be as simple as going for walk together or working out together or something else which is common for both of you, that helps in bonding with and understanding other person better, but make sure that during this time you do not end up expressing your frustration, let that time be positive so both of you can look forward to it for next time.

Once you improve on your friendship, there are higher chances of him understanding your point of view and make changes accordingly

Hope this helps :)

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