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Caught husband cheating on me but unable to leave him

Asked by Female, 25, Married
Hi, I'm a 25 year old girl from India. When I was 19 I slept with my high school boyfriend and got married. We had a really happy relationship going on since the past 8 years of which we were married for 5 years. I really loved him. But a few months ago I found out that he has been cheating on me with one of my best friends for almost a year. After that I wanted to get divorced, but he requested me not to. Maybe deep inside I didn't want to either, but was really hurt. Now though we're trying to work things out, I don't see him the same way. And neither am I able to put my foot down about leaving him. It feels like I'm addicted to him and there's no way out of this... And everyday it's like I'm a prey to my own thoughts. I feel tortured constantly. I wish I could just shut my mind off. Please help me.
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Chandni Gandhi
Counselling Psychologist


I can imagine the amount of pain and anger you are feeling post action of your husband i can also understand confusion you are going through, where in on one hand you are angry and are contemplating on leaving him and on another its not easy to end relationship of 8 years, it is normal to experience shock and significant emotional trauma as a result of finding out about the affair. you she may feel anger and hopeless. This phase in relationship is often a roller coaster of emotions which may come with tears and conflict but you can not think clearly with so much going on SO it is important that you take some time off, heal yourself, process your emotions instead of rushing towards either forgiveness or divorce.

1) you can consider going for small 2-3 days break to someplace if thats possible

2) Write down all your thoughts and emotions in a journal, that helps in understanding ourself better

3) Counselling will really help in processing these emotions as well as making decisions, for which you can ask here on personal message or question again

4) if you have a child, please take care that child is not affected by all this.

5) Listing down all the reasons why you think this would have happened and discussing it together, preferably with counsellor would help in giving some closure.

Hope this helps

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