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Emotionally abused by husband but unable to leave him

Asked by Female, 33, Married

I am unable to understand what my husband trying to do he will be generally nice but he does not care a bit for me.I am staying away from him because of nature of his job I am also working. He doesn't want to give me monthly allowance when I pester him again and again then only he gives I feel like a beggar.He talks of other women in front of me and I dnt like it he keeps nagging me about my looks but it is he who has become obese.He has fought with my parents too .my in laws also do not like me.I am married for 7 years but have no children.recently he told me if I want children I will have to leave my job.I mayhave left if he was responsible .But my earlier experience taught me that I have to support myself financially.I am only child of my parents and I have their responsibility too.He doesn't like if I visit my parents too.I am stuck I do not know wat to do.I just cannot leave him also I have loved him a lot and I had love marriage but now he is a completely different but those old happy times keep making me stick to him..I am feeling helpless.I dnt knw wat to do.

Answer

Salma Prabhu

Clinical Psychologist

Answered almost 5 years ago

Hi,

I can actually feel the torment you are going through. You took a right step by writing to find some solace and answers to your woes.

You have mentioned that you are staying away from him because of the nature of his work. You have also mentioned that you are working. I am a little confused then how you have to beg for allowance and how he shows his displeasure about you visiting and taking care of your parents.

However from what I have understood, you want more attention, loving words and care from him. You want the excitement you had in the earlier years of your love and marriage.

I would recommend that you shift the focus from him to yourself. It is the law of the universe that you shall get what you give and you shall get what you want.

Shift your focus from what is happening to what you want. Like make a list of what your want.

For example write down

I want love and attention from him (Write his name)

I want him to be caring like he was where first met

I want him to give me finance without asking

I want him to respect my parents

I want Him to give me good and loving compliments

I want him to shower all his attention to me.

Another step is you told me you love him so a very big achievement is already done here.

You keep sending him love each day in form of prayers for his good health, for his success, for his happiness.

You also keep wishing him love each day silently in your mind from your heart.

Say a forgiveness prayer each day for him that you forgive him for hurting you and in your mind ask for his forgiveness if you have hurt him in nay ways,

Next is be grateful for all that you have in life.

I am very sure that you shall soon see light of love and you shall get your happiness back.

I request you to read this again and again and follow the steps mentioned after understanding and introspecting appropriately what you want in life.

My prayers for your eternal love and happiness.

With magical love

Salma

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