We take our user's privacy very seriously and will never, ever expose any personal details. All personal indentifiable information on these questions here are carefully removed and published only after getting permission from user.

Frustrated with financially irresponsible husband, mistreated

Asked by Female, 33, Married

My hubby doesn't believe in saving and in.his entire life including 4+years of marriage has not saved a penny .Neither marriage nor fatherhood has changed him.i have tried talking to him.giving him.sometime to change and even having fights nothing seems to work on him. Am at my father's place with babyfor a vacation before coming he gave me cash but now after month of staying here I asked him.for money to buy stuff for baby he flatly told me this month am running short of cash can't give. Extreme spendthrift uses liquid cash if that's over then uses credit card and if not that then borrows from.friends. no matter how much he earns is salary has doubled in the last 4 years yet by month end no cash in hand. He is not in favour of me working now since he wants me to look after baby. once I told him to.discuss finances with me he cut me off by saying you don't take tension let me.deal with it that's my headache ..till today zero investment he has done.. Am frustrated this is only one aspect of frustration Another aspect his he snubs me .doesn't like me speaking the way I want to communicate to him so many times I have told him let me talk the way I want to talk for a day or two he allows then again snubbing he believes one should talk to the point .Gone to the extent of telling me are you this dumb always and do you have little brains . I don't really know if I want to be in this relationship or not . I lost my mom.this year as a son in law he did all he had to do for the funeral etc but for me he wasn't emotionally there. Even while going for my mom's funeral it was me who got my baby's bag ready changed my baby's clothes he didn't volunteer. Even afterwards when we shifted to the new city he didn't help.me settle my baby ,house settling ,kitchen work that' servants didn't do everything was on my head.Even weekends he chose to watch TV or mobile games whole day than talk to me or look after the baby.if we go out then it's assumed everything of the house I need to look into before leaving also my baby's hugs needs to be done by me before we leave .he will.just get ready and come

Answer

Salma Prabhu

Clinical Psychologist

Answered almost 5 years ago

Hello,

First and foremost let me thank you for having faith in us to give you strength in this very tiring experience called relationship. It must be so difficult to each day keep doing everything and watch the other person wile away his time and money. You must be feeling so much insecure and at the same time frustrated that you are not able to do anything.

I salute you for handling so much single handedly. The house, the baby, the financial dependency. And to top it all listening to demeaning statements regarding your intelligence and financial abilities.

I would recommend that you keep your head high and keep your patience.

Women have been blessed with extra strength and abilities and now is the time you realise that you can handle it all and a little more with calmness and without expectations.

First pat yourself on the back for already having stood there and endearing it all.

Now make a time table for yourself which is effective and gives you time to do some kind of work which you like from the home. Look for some help or baby sitter or friend who will help you with the baby and you start doing some work which will not take you outside. Start earning, even if it is small and start saving that amount. You take care of the financial security for yourself. Do not expect your husband to give you a lot of praise and ensure that what you earn is not borrowed by him from you. Immediately ensure that you are saving that amount.

Next is respect yourself and it does not matter what he thinks or says, you are strong so keep the self esteem high and help yourself. I have heard of therapies, which can cure him of his addiction for spending and you may also learn these therapies online and help him.

People who spend a lot are generally insecure themselves and that is the reason he makes mockery of your intelligence. He probably has not received a lot of love respect and attention from his family or near ones or his parents.

Take the position of a person who is solution oriented and not the one who is a victim.

St and make a plan for yourself, manage your time and energy and slowly and steadily make a name for yourself in your work.

My prayers are for you to succeed in this turnover for yourself.

With magical love

Salma

Speak with a Relationship Counselor today