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Husband unsupportive, verbally abusive in-laws, no communication or physical relationship

Asked by Female, 27, Married
My husband does not stand up for me or support me in front of his parents. We do not communicate with each other and do not have a physical relationship. My in-laws verbally abuse me and discriminate between me and the other daughter-in-law. I am distressed.
Answer
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Garima
Counseling Psychologist

Your situation is quite unfortunate, no one should have to face abuse at the hands of family. Thank you for taking a step and reaching out.
There seems to be a lack of communication/ understanding of facts between the two parties ( you and your in-laws/husband). It seems like your husband was never interested in the marriage and was probably forced to do so or that your in-laws have probably gone too far with comparison leading to more distance between you and your husband.

It is possible to know their problems with you or the reason for their behavior only by asking. Communication can clear the air on a lot of misunderstanding. If possible, you can get your family involved and have your parents initiate a conversation with your husband and in-laws.
If that's not an option, then you can initiate a formal conversation with your husband and in-laws together and ask some basic questions. This could lead to an understanding of the basis of their behavior.

Furthermore, if the conversation does open things up, you maybe able to gauge if it's possible to solve or work on some of their issues. If that is not an option, then you arrive at a difficult junction of either demanding better treatment from your in-laws and husband, if their behavior has no substantial basis, or to think realistically about your future in their family. Some of the things to consider would be if you can sustain in an abusive household, if you'll ever have a family given your husband's lack of involvement , how important it is to remain married in these circumstances., etc.

I would recommend thinking about your future realistically rather than emotionally. an abusive household and an involved marriage in the long run can lead to significant emotional stress.
The decisions maybe difficult, however they're equally important to be made. Make your well-being a priority.

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