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I love my wife but can't ignore my ex-girlfriend after re-contacting with her after one year marriage!

Asked by Male, 32, Married

I don't know where to start. I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years. We had our ups and down and for a long time we were in living in. Then we had a very bad breakup. I moved to a different city and first six months were very tough. I couldn't forget her and sometimes even tried to contact her but she didn't reply. After a few months I met another girl, fall in love with her and then after sometime we got married. In those times, I was not in contact with my first girlfriend and infact had almost forgotten about her. After almost a year of my marriage, she probably saw my pics with my wife on Facebook and sent me an email congratulating me. I replied just saying thanks and how is she doing. Then she sent a long email telling a lot what is going on and in the end she misses me. this started our email conversations and then phone calls. The thing is I've started to think about her a lot, wait for her emails, dream of her in the night. We are in different cities so have not met each other but we have started to talk about it. I'm feeling very guilty and stressed because of that. I love my wife and I think because of it we have started fighting a lot. I'm getting more irritated on her and she can also notice the difference. I honestly don't know what to do. I can't resist talking with my girlfriend. Please help

Answer

Sneha

Psychotherapist

Answered over 4 years ago

Dear Shekhar, thank you for writing in. It took courage on your part to acknowledge that you are in trouble and for having reached out to us. I understand your current situation has left you feeling guilty and confused. It seems as though what you want is at odds with what you feel is right.
When you say that you and your ex have been conversing with other frequently and are talking about meeting up, can you be specific with what intent? We know how you feel but does your ex feel the same way? The stress of hiding this interaction from your wife makes you feel guilty and that in turn is affecting the way you communicate with your wife. To understand better can you tell me more about your relationship with your wife and how you both are as individuals? What do you think drew you to your ex and start engaging with her?
Do you think your excitement and daydreaming about your interaction with your ex might be about what may happen and a fantasy coming to life?
It might also help for you think about what you would like to focus on. Do you want choose between your wife and your ex? Or do you want to sort out your problems in your marriage? I also suspect that this situation is probably making you anxious about your future.
Please message back to continue our discussion and let me know what you think. Regards.

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