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Irresponsible husband, ignores my opinions and thoughts

Asked by Female, 29, Married
My husband does not care about my thoughts and opinions and does not allow me to speak up. He is irresponsible about being a father.
Thumb komal
Counseling Psychologist

Living with a spouse who does not care for your thoughts and opinions is extremely difficult and not preferable. I can imagine how tied you must be feeling when you are not allowed to even speak up. It's almost like you are not allowed to have an identity of your own within the marriage. To top it, he expects you to take responsibility of the kids while he can choose to not contribute. This seems really unfair on you.

When things are calm, talk about the relationship. You can start the conversation by saying “You’re important to me and I want you in my life. There are some things in this relationship that are deal-breakers for me. My hope is that we can work them out and the only way that could happen is if I tell you clearly what they are.” Then explain instances you found unacceptable to you and suggest ways of resolving those issues mutually. Start small, one small step towards desirable change a day. you can gradually increase at a pace you both are comfortable with.
While attempting to do so, it is important that we convey our concerns sensitively and not in a way that conveys blame, frustration or anger. That is likely to escalate things in an undesirable direction.

The tone and choice of words matters a lot in a conversation and decides how the other might take it. Speaking in a manner as expressed above will reflect that you were being sensitive about his feelings and are open to considering his thoughts as well. Beginning by showing appreciation for his intention puts the air to ease and makes it easier to have what might seem as a difficult conversation. This will make him feel heard and also be willing to work through it with you. Be assertive while you do so.

You and your husband could also try going for couple's counselling which would help you both provide a safe space to be heard and work towards resolving issues in the marriage mutually.

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