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Married for 8 years. Husband started extra material. Not able to trust him now

Asked by Female, 31, Married
Mi n my hubby got married 8 years ago.we were happy n understanding couple. I'm extrovert n he is introvert. So whenever we had differences, I expressed shouting. He also gets angry many times but I never made an issue coz as per my experience, expressing thoughts is very important. But for my anger, he blamed me n started extra marital affair. He now saying that he will cut off contacts with her but I can't believe him now. How to believe him?
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Dr. Joseph
Counseling Psychologist


Thank you for sharing your concerns with the askmile team regarding your marriage. It is a hard thing to be in an unhappy marriage. It is harder to find that your husband gone into an extra-marital affair. Your trust in him is totally shaken and now your difficulty in believing him. I understand your struggle in this regard.

Now he is reassuring that he would not contact her again. And the reassurance is not impacting you at all. Right? You have enough reasons to NOT to trust him.

You said you were a happy and understanding couple. How long did that last? When did the friction began to trouble you? What are the areas of differences? I know you tried to analyze your situation by identifying your personality types - extroversion and introversion. I agree that with these two different types of personality in a marriage one would notice big gaps in terms of personal, interpersonal, and professional areas of life.

However, that itself is not enough to say your angry behavior is just because of introversion or extroversion. Both of you come with your own developmental deficits and defective social skills. It appears your expressions are with very less diplomacy. Every day shouting and screaming would make a man or woman run away. This would means they cause reaction behaviors. And the extra-marital affair is one of such reaction behaviors? I am not saying you caused him to do it - but indirectly your behaviour pushed him to do what he did, consciously and unconsciously.

Did he tell you any time that he is upset with you on your behaviour? Did he tell you any time that he is unhappy with you? Are you both employed? Any kids?

Write back to us with more details. We are here to help you.

Askmile Team

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