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Married yet attracted to a guy who reminds me of ex-partner

Asked by Female, 28, Married
I am married girl and simultaneosly i came accross someone whom im attracted to and i want to be in touch with him everyday. He reminds me of the time i spend when i started dating mg ex who cheated and left me.i was really happy then and i am happy now being in touch with him. Please show me the correct path
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Indu Padmakumar
Counselling Psychologist and Special Educator

First of all, I'd like to appreciate you for addressing that you have an issue.
Its not easy to admit that and by doing so you have already moved one step towards your happiness.

From what you've said, it seems like you haven't completely dealt with the feelings of your breakup with your ex.

You mentioned you were happy with him and that you're attracted to this man who reminds you of him.

The first thing to do is to remind yourself of the reason why you broke up.
Your ex cheated on you.
That's not something that you can get over easily.
It would take a lot of time and venting out to really start moving past that kind of hurt and betrayal.

There were probably a lot of things you liked about your ex. Maybe these are the characteristics that you see in this new guy.
In a way, you could be trying to 'rewrite the story' of what happened between you and your ex.

But it's important to remember that this new person is not your ex. He's a completely different person. So it's probably best to stop treating him that way.
Stop yourself from texting him for the time being so that you can focus more on yourself and why you feel this way.

Also there is the fact that you're married to someone else now.
Check to see if you and your current husband like each other and are compatible. Usually if you're looking outside the marriage for some kind of emotional support, it means that you're probably missing it at home.

Here, communication is key. Talk to your husband and tell him what you need.
Give him a chance to make you happy and vice versa as well.

Maybe we could continue this session over private messages to discuss how to do the same.
Hope this helps.
Take care and all the best to you :)

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