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Partner flirting with other men despite warning, have broken up

Asked by Male, 29, Single
I am right now on verge of a break up, we had been together for more than 2 years. This is an long distance relationship, She is 42 yrs and has 2 kids who I regard as my own. She has been doing sexual role-plays, flirting with others online. I told her that is hurting be that she is doing all this. She tells me that they are just for fun and that she only wants me in real life. There has been time when she has shared her picture and videos that she took before she me with others. We had a huge argument over this, there is a guy who is been telling her that she doesn't need a marriage at this age and that she should just have sex with others. This led her to breaking up with me and over to another state. She had sex with others during this period and she felt miserable about missing me and told me that she made a mistake and wanted me back in her life. I accepted her and since I loved her so much, she promised me that she will not be flirting or doing sexual role-plays. Now that guy who was using her returned and is trying to get her to flirt. She is just playing along with him and flirting a bit. He is still advising against being in a relationship with me. I am hurt by this and told her that her flirting and talking to him has pushed me to the point, that I told her we are done. I am confused at the moment am I over reacting ? am I expecting too much from this relationship or is it ok that I end this relationship. Every time she flirting breaks my heart, even though she tells me its just fun and that I am who she wants, her talking sexually to others makes me feel not that special. To me these are special things that can be shared with only one person at a time. Am I wrong in thinking this way ? This has made me dysfunctional to the point where I don't relish what I eat, lose focus on work etc. . It would be great if you can help me in this regard .
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Harish Bhuvanendran
Life Coach


It is clearly seen by the way that you have mentioned that you clearly value this woman a lot and are also focussing your lot of time in your relationship which is nice as well, but as long as she is mentioning it clearly to you that, it is just you and that she is casually having the talk with others as well. I think what needs more work on is you, you need to work on yourself in a way that you should not be hurt, wherein you are more vocal about what you feel, I know that you have spoken with her about how it feels, but what I am trying to see being more vocal and firm about what you want, and if it is relationship, its always two ways.

Making that clear, you also need to be more trusting and understanding towards yourself, I mean you owe that much to the love that you have, not on the person as of, but on the love that you have on the relationship as a whole. Be more trusting and understanding. Being grateful helps too, trying being thankful to all those beautiful things that you share with her, and then you will get the courage to overlook some trivial things, which might cause unnecessary problems.

Thanks. :)

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