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Possessive about boyfriend. Not able to concentrate on anything else

Asked by Female, 23, Single
Hi. I am in a relationship I love my boyfriend very much. He is actually everything for me. But he says he has a friend who is important to him but I don't like her. It also seems like even she doesn't like me. We both had a lot of fight because of her. However now she's got married but still, I am possessive about my boyfriend. He still texts her. I am very irritated by that. I have also once checked his phone. To be frank, I don't like all these things like checking his phone being mad at him but I always think about her and I'll get angry at him. I am not able to say him that I still have a problem with her. I just want to say him not to text her. Please help me to come out of this situation.I actually think of this and I am not able to concentrate on anything. Kindly help
Thumb sneha jayagopal

Dear writer, I appreciate your having written in. I can see that you consider your possessiveness detrimental to your relationship. All possessiveness really boils down to is insecurity and distrust. It might be possible that you feel left out of the equation between your boyfriend and his friend; that although what they share is a special friendship it makes you question the exclusivity of your relationship with your boyfriend. Somewhere along the way you may have stopped feeling valued and maybe that's why the dislike towards this person. Insecurities have a way of getting the better of us and tend to create more problems and think lesser of oneself. I suspect you feel like you are in a competition with your boyfriend's friend and it is is not making you feel very good about yourself. Pushing your boyfriend to break all contact with her is not in your power. You can certainly talk to him about this and if he's willing break contact then well and good and if not then you might have to respect his decision to keep in touch with her .It's not necessary and always possible for you to like all your boyfriend's friends but it can still be kept independent of your relationship with him. Remember that checking your boyfriend's phone can make you unworthy of trust and I suspect that having done just that is making you very uneasy and possibly you are hurting over it as well.

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