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Separated from wife, loss of confidence, feeling lonely

Asked by Male, 33, Married
I am separated from my wife and will be eventually divorced. I feel lonely and have low self-confidence. I am unable to meet new people. Also, I have been unemployed for two years. I cannot talk to my parents.
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Shriti Mitra
Counseling Psychologist


To start with, it is really thoughtful of you that you consider us to share your feelings. After looking at your issue, I can make out that you indeed are going through a lot. One gets into the bond of marriage with certain expectations and when it is a love marriage the expectations differs as compared to arrange marriages, as we know the person from before.

Divorce is a very big step and it must have been really painful for you when your wife spoke about it within 15 days of marriage. Also not having any kind of physical relationship post marriage is difficult, you definitely would be emotionally withdrawn. Considering the aftermath of this you have taken the step of separation which follows with a divorce, you definitely have thought a lot over it.

You mention about being lonely and also your confidence level has gone down. For this I would like to tell you, do not let all these affect you as you have tried your level best to make it work. You also mentioned about trying different dating apps but which didn't workout well, on this I would ask would it help to make friends first and then approach for dating. Reason being, you are terribly hurt at present and trusting someone so easily would be difficult for you. Trying being friends then knowing the person, their temperaments, likes and dislikes, the level of understanding between the both of you, and the rapport. After which you can think of dating the person.

You also mentioned about would anyone accept you after knowing that you are a divorcee, today very few people look at these things. What they normally look at is - the person you are. Time has changed and people don't consider all these things anymore.

You are afraid what if someone else also turns out to be like your wife and you might have to face the same situation again. If you don't try out you would never understand that there people around who are different and also there could be someone of your same wave length. Keep your horizons open, something good might definitely happen.

Hope our assistance helps you. You could definitely get back to me whenever you need.

All the Best.

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