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Short-tempered husband gets angry for silly things and abuse me. Regret, love and console after cooling down

Asked by Female, 27, Married

We have been married for 2 years now. And we knew each other for 6 months before marriage, yes it was a love marriage. We are Indians and he is from a different caste. We both are well educated and working and my parents were ok with it. Though he was not initially like this. He is an extremely down to earth and caring person. Everyone just loves him. He loves me a lot too. He takes care of me, helps me in day to day chores. Everything that any wife could ask for. But he just cant control his temper. he gets violent and that too for very silly reasons. I hardly find those reasons worth more than probably a shout. Initial days after marriage it was very bad. He used to beat me and close my mouth so that the neighbours don't hear, slap me etc. I mean if the reasons were valid enough I would probably be not this much hurt. But once he cools down, he regrets. And he loves me so much that I forget until it happens again. But the frequency has reduced a lot. He is much of a changed person now, until it happened again last month and again last week. Now I am in a total confusion as to what I should do? He gets angry for such silly thing, and those are nothing. What is we actually start facing some issues. What when we have a child. I don't know. But he still does loves me and has fought for me with his family. Please help me.

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Answer

Sneha

Psychotherapist

Answered over 4 years ago

Dear Writer, thank you for writing to us. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help. I understand you dilema and the hurt caused by your husband's anger. So let's put things in perspective. Your husband loves you, cares for you, sees to your needs and is pretty much what you would want from a good partner. But no amount of love and care can ever condone or justify physical abuse. It is wrong and is a punishable offence. You are in an abusive relationship. If your husband feels really bad about his behaviour then he seriously needs to work on it and make a change and for this he might need psychological help. It is also upto you to end this cycle. Every time you forgive and let go you invariably end up contributing to this cycle of abuse. I don't doubt he loves you but he can't control his anger and takes it out on you which is a serious problem. Your concern about it becoming worse is understandable. Have you tried suggesting that he get help for his behaviour?
Please message back to continue discussing. I am here to help. Regards

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