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Troubled marriage due to compatibility issues, lack of attention from my husband, and backward in-laws

Asked by Female, 25, Married
My problem is that I'm having a lot of trouble with my marriage, firstly my in-laws they are backward and want to stick to the same life they are from the start. So I don't want to change it and I know I cannot change them but I am having trouble with my husband as well. Ours was a love marriage but then we have compatibility issues, I'm very expressive and he is very reserved and quiet. So he gets irritated sometimes with me and sometimes we fight severely. I want to change the relationship between me and my husband and I need attention from him. I want to have his attention as I was a very pampered child at my house since childhood. I need his support and love which is very important to me. Many a time I try to ignore things, but we have misunderstood each other several times. So please help me.
Thumb sneha jayagopal

Dear Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes courage to reach out for help. I understand you are concerned about the state of your marriage. You and your husband are opposites in personality. That's not necessarily a problem. You are expressive which means you are more comfortable expressing your needs and problems compared to your husband. I understand that you need attention and want to feel valued by your husband. These are your expectations in order to feel loved by your husband.
So that means your husband doesn't give you any attention or values you at all? (Please clarify)
What are your husband's expectations and does he feel you are meeting them?
What are the kind of things you fight about and what about you irritates your husband?
Also when you mentioned that you had a pampered childhood, I hope you understand that the relationship between parents and their child is very different from that of husband and wife. A partner cannot meet the same expectation that a parent used to fulfill. To expect that would mean you are yet to adjust your expectations to an adult relationship and unless you do that you will find your husband letting you down because these are shoes be will never fit into.
It's good that you want the both of you to have a better understanding towards each other. It also involves both of you accepting each other's​ different personalities. The differences can become a strength in your marriage.
Please message back to continue discussing. Do think about the questions I have asked, answering them will help me guide you accordingly. Regards

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