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Unable to overcome hurt of husband's extra-marital affair

Asked by Female, 35, Married
I caught my spouse cheating on me with his colleague and he confessed and is sorry about it. But I feel very hurt and I want to end the marriage. I dont feel like living anymore.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help.

It seems that you are facing difficulty in your marriage. Getting to know of your husband's infidelity has caused you a lot of pain so much so that you feel depressed to an extent where the thought of ending your life has also crossed your mind. Although your husband feels guilt and remorse but you are finding it difficult to forget it and the thought has become unbearable for you and you wish to end the marriage.
I understand that it must be a difficult position for you to be in. It certainly must not have been easy on you to get to know of this and having your heart, faith and trust broken in this marriage. No amount of his tears can take away the pain and hurt of devastation that you are feeling right now. In your position right now you might be feeling lost and helpless and are unable to find a way to bear with this pain almost as if death seems to be the only answer for you right now to end the suffering you are in from the continuous haunting of these thoughts.

Firstly, I would appreciate the courage in you for being able to manage so far. I can only imagine the misery you find yourself in at this point.
Could you tell me a little bit about yourself and your husband as individuals?
What do you both do?
How long have you been married? Was it a love marriage or an arranged marriage?
Since when was your husband involved in an extra marital affair? When and how did you come to know of it?
How long has it been since you confronted to him about this?
How was the marriage for you both before this affair?
What is the current status of your relationship with your husband after this incident?
What is the current status of the relationship between your husband and the colleague?
How have you been managing so far? What helps you to keep going? Any social support system? Anyone you have shared this with?
Have you gone for a diagnosis of depression? Have you acted upon or given any more serious thought towards attempting to take your life or harm your self in any way?
Answering these questions will help me understand your situation better and enable me to guide you accordingly.

Secondly, how would you like me to help you with your situation? What is it that you are hoping to seek through this counselling process?

Please respond back to continue our discussion. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Warm regards.

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