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Wife suspecting for affair with my sister in law!

Asked by Male, 31, Married
I am married for 2 years. We both are working. Its is a arranged marriage. Feeling depressed and having suicide thoughts sometimes. I have one sister-in-law (father's sister daughter). I have one elder brother, all my family members use to tell from childhood days only that my brother has to marry her. But somehow my brother didn't marry her, because she does not want to work after marriage.Then On the process of seeing matches to me, before stating only I have approached sunitha personally without intimating my aunt family. But she told no as me and my brother staying in same house. I did not force her and then I told that I will inform your mom about my proposal. But she said no I only will inform you leave it then i didn't inform to my aunt. After that many talks happened in both of our families finally she told to her mom and me that she will not marry me. Then I told to all my family members that I don't want to marry in relations so that's why i'm not marrying my sister-in-law. For saving her I told like this. Meanwhile I got one match and that was got fixed. I started talking to that girl and while talking I explained everything to her what happened with my sister-in-law. My engagement also got over, and sometimes my sister-in-law use to ping me in what's up and even I used to reply her messages. Then once she messaged me like I am idiot because I missed you in my life I don't know why I said I will not marry you, then I said see now I can't do anything because i am already engaged to other girl. My sister-in-law asked me at least buy one saree for your marriage as your remember anyhow I am not marrying you right, then we both went to shop purchased one saree and gave it to her. Most worst thing I did before my marriage day. She massaged and said I love you and she asked me to tell the same back then I didn't reply for sometime then she messaged me many times tell if you tell that words nothing happens right and do you think I will stop your marriage. Finally I also replied like "dear I love you" that's it then i didn't not messaged her some days because I was busy with marriage things. What ever happened after engagement with my sister-in-law I have not told to my wife. But that chat history was there in my mail and one day my wife saw that and she asked me what is this how can you say I love you to other girl before one day to your marriage then I told her sorry my sister-in-law asked me many times so I said even I don't have any feeling on her while telling that it's just message to make her happy that's it please don't take it seriously. Then one day she asked me like someone told that you gave saree to your sister-in-law then is it true? I said yes then she asked me why did you not informed to me, I said you will feel bad so didn't inform. Then she spoke so. Many things I don't know where and all you roamed with her and what all you have done with her. I said nothing I have done believe me. After this my wife kept quite. When ever my sister-in-law's mom come to my home and she doesn't talk to my wife properly it seems(i'm not sure about this. 1 time I was there in home and my aunt came I received her and my wife didn't talk anything only while leaving my wife told bye that's it. Now whenever my wife see/heard my sister-in-law name she will get angry and will start talking about all that history, many times arguments happened. My wife is asking me the same question again and again how can you say I love you that to your sister-in-law and she is telling now if she calls you many times for having sex/other help you will go right? what is the guaranty that you will not go tell me because you want to make her happy right? All these kind of words only my wife will talk when we start arguing any time and now my wife doesn't like my sister-in-law and her mom and she says that she don't want to see and go to their house because they don't respect her. Please suggest me what should I do to make her understand on this and stop talking on past?
Thumb dr. joseph george new
Dr. Joseph
Counseling Psychologist

Thank you for writing to askmile team with your difficulties with your wife. I know it is too much burdensome to live happily when your wife has serious doubts on you. Whenever she is unhappy she talks about the past and your chat history which is troubling you. You tried to explain why the chat in which you said, I love you, and why you purchased the saree for Sunita. Your explanations appear to be not going well with your wife. She has issues with trusting you and believing you. Its quite natural think like this when you have told someone, the day before the marriage, that you loved her. I am sure you would have been in the same thought process and feels troubled if you find out something like this from your wife.
What she needs from you a re-assurance that she is the only one in your life and there is no connection with anybody else. You need to spend quality time with her. Your body language and verbal communication must indicate you love her. Once a week try to spend 1/2 day outside the home, only two of you, giving space for her to know you better and you know her better. Find out events / activities that both of you can engage on a regular basis. She should feel you have enough time for her. And nobody else gets that kind of attention. You also need to open up and discuss the 'Sunita issue' so that this can be settled once for all.
Askmile Team

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