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Feel alone and family does not loves me

Asked by Female, 29, Single
Hi,My family does not loves me.My younger sister set to get married,even my elder brother got married;But they just chose to ignore me.They does not care about me at all.I always deal all my problems alone only.
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Salma Prabhu
Clinical Psychologist


I would like to begin by giving you a warm hug. Thank you for writing to us and also giving an instance of what makes you feel the way you feel at the moment.

I conclude that you are the middle one. You have an elder brother and a younger sister. I have interacted with many children who are in the middle order and most of them have this conclusion. As when we are children, our parents tell the middle born, he is elder, you must respect him, she is younger, you must take care of her. And the one in the middle feels she is the one who has to make all the sacrifices and is the least loved one.

Have you watched little puppies when the mother is feeding them. Sometimes watch, the mother ensures that all of them get a chance to be fed. Whereas each puppy tries to keep suckling the teat. But the mother makes sure that the little ones get equal share.

My years of experience in parenting and with parents has taught me that no parent makes discrimination. It was in early times when daughters had to compromise, and sons got all the pampering, but today it is not so.

But there are exceptions, I m not saying you are imagining things. However here is what I would like you to do.

I would like you to try for a few weeks trying to note down what your family does for you. And make a list, keep a dairy. Write each day what each one has said to you and done for you. And stick only to the positives as I m not asking you to write what they are not doing or not saying.

Focus only on what they are doing for you and what they are saying to you.

Next is change your approach. Meaning start saying thank you to each one of them. Either on their birthdays or on your birthday, write a note of gratitude to them. Or do not wait for any occasion though there is no shortage of occasions in our lives. One was yesterday, valentine day. Write to each one of them a note of gratitude. Write how you are grateful that they are in your life and list down what they mean to you and what they have done for you means a lot to you. Remember from childhood and write. Include your mom dad, brother, sister, grandparents.

Third is repeat each day that you forgive yourself for feeling that you are not loved and forgive them too if you feel they are doing something wrong to you.

Last but most important is love yourself. When we start loving ourselves, we find that the entire world loves us.

I wish eternal love for you from all the people who matter to you and also who do not matter.

With magical love


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