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Husband does not give me freedom of choice

Asked by Female, 29, Married
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Sneha Bhat
Counselling Psychologist

Your Frustration is understandable. Irrespective of the love & caring your husband shows towards you, not having a voice or a say in things can get you to a restricted or cornered position hence frustrated.

Now the primary question is to what extent is your husband aware of his behaviour and the way it has been affecting you. He sounds like a terrific person to begin with. He might be habituated to having an upper hand/controlling/dominant position with an ongoing assumption that he has been doing what is best for the family. As his intentions are good, he need not be aware of the impact of his actions. It's possible that people looked up to him & valued his decisions while growing up & he might be currently in a position(in workplace) where people need to respect his decisions irrespective of their opinion, as it would have come from top.

Yet again, extent of awareness he has about it & how habituated he is to this pattern is the key. You would have to let him know the way his actions have been affecting you, by expressing your thoughts & emotions every time without blaming or criticising him.

If it's too scary to communicate this way, please mark the territories of
1. I zone where you both are free to take a call without consulting partner
2. I in We Zone : Marked areas of expertise involving both where the identified expert in the specific area(person who is the primary user) gets to have the final say after discussing the pros & cons so that you both have the option to choose.

If it continues to be difficult, do not hesitate to take assistance of a couple therapist. Your marriage seems good & do not overlook the possibility of making it great.

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