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I am confused after knowing classmate cum colleague of my fiancee proposed her recently!

Asked by Male, 33, Single

I am a 30 years old man. I recently got engaged a couple of months back and will soon be getting married. I learnt post engagement, that my to-be wife was recently approached by a boy for marriage. They are colleagues at work, and he proposed my fiancee at work and asked for marriage, despite of knowing that she will be getting engaged soon. This happened just before my engagement in, however, my fiancee decided not to tell me cause I might feel hurt. The situation was so serious that the guy asked his family to approach my fiancee's family to ask for marriage. Though my girl says she was never thinking like that for him but the boy had all this in his mind. They have been classmates as well for quite a few years. But previously, it was never this way. The guy I don't know how suddenly likes my girl and wants to settle down. I am confused.

Answer

Komal

Counseling Psychologist

Answered over 4 years ago

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help.

From what I gather, it seems that you are finding it difficult to feel secure in your relationship with your fiancé since there is a different guy who has approached her for her hand in marriage, just before you were to be engaged to her, of which you discovered only post your engagement. Your fiancé kept this from you to avoid causing you pain. It is understandable that you feel worried given that you both live in different cities and that your girl and the guy have known each other for a long time and are also currently working together.

It is interesting to notice that you addressed your fiancé as ‘my girl’, showing that you are understandably feeling a little possessive towards her and are afraid to lose her.

I understand that it must be a difficult position for you to be in a confused state and wish to feel secure in your relationship again.

It is nice to know that you seemed to have a conversation with your fiancé about this and she has expressed to you that she only kept this from you in order to avoid causing you pain. This shows her care for you. Since she mentioned that this was never the case between her and this other guy before, do you think it is possible that she might not have taken his proposal seriously since she was already getting engaged to you and had no intentions with him and that is why perhaps did not want to bring up the issue lest it turn into an unnecessary mess?
We cannot control what other people feel for others, what matters is what you fiancé feels towards you and the other guy. As long as you are convinced that your fiancé is committed towards you, there is nothing you need to fear about what the other guy wants, because your girl wants you. Perhaps you should have this talk with your fiancé, if you still have not had it yet, as to what you are feeling and what she feels for you and the other guy.

Please respond back to continue our discussion. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Warm regards.

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