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Seeking help in bringing back trust and intimacy in our marriage

Asked by Male, 43, Married
I am a 43-year old man, I am married for 16 years and we have 2 children aged 12 and 10. My wife and I met 9 years prior to getting married. Even before marriage, we were intensely committed to one another several years, however, the passion reduced after the marriage (in fact, right after the ceremony). I am a very physical person, and 10 years after marriage, I have established intimacy with someone else online. My wife was unimaginably angry when she discovered this and I ended all connection with the other person 2 years back. Now, 10 days ago, possibly in a bid to get back in touch, I emailed the other person for financial advice. I also marked the email to an anonymous email ID used 6 years back. My wife found out about this and is understandably shaken. I seek help in bringing back trust and intimacy in our marriage with the firm commitment to never ever get back in touch with another person again.
Thumb sneha jayagopal

Dear Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes courage to reach out and take this step. I understand you want to work on rebuilding trust and intimacy in your relationship. It's commendable that you understand where the problem lies and what you need work on to ensure you don't turn to someone else to fulfil your needs.
Now reduced or no sexual intimacy between a married couple after marriage is more common than you think. It has a lot to do with changes in one's life, responsibilities taking precedence over intimacy and just the fizzling out of excitement post marriage. Although emotionally you might bond, sex life is put on the back burner. For women too the role of settling into being a wife and a parent and playing house, further puts sex down the list. Now although sex might happen, it becomes monotonous and uninteresting. Sexual play and romance which previously existed and was so easy to feel before marriage is taken for granted. In fact it's involves more effort to maintain and generate sexual interest in a marriage. You get lazy and crave for excitement from other sources.
Although you say you are a physical person, how is your wife with respect to intimacy?
Intimacy aside you have to work on trust first.
How do things stand with respect to trust currently?
How do you and your wife engage with each other?
Please do message back to continue our discussion. I am here to help. Regards

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