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I am in love with my close friend, he has habits of flirting and ditched me.

Asked by Female, 22, Single

About a few weeks ago I was involved with a guy from our friend's circle. It was fun and exciting since we both seemed to be attracted to each other and I was looking forward to things progressing. We had already known each other as friends for 3 months. I trusted him enough to get involved with him. Anyway a couple of weeks into our relationship or association I find out through some of our common friends that, this was just a fling for him and he's in it for the game. So obviously, I was pissed off because I am not someone for flings. In fact, earlier I have been in two relationships and both really long which unfortunately didn't work out. I am pissed off that, nobody told me about this before I got involved. I am upset that he thought it was ok to use me and then discard me. Also, I feel broken that other guys in the group think it's ok to hit on me after what had happened. So now I am considered easy and this has made me feel very cheap and I am being used. I am mad at myself that I couldn't find out that this guy was just having a fling with me. I had to call him and confront him and this has made me feel so small and I thought I was smarter and that my friends cared, but I was wrong. Broken away from them, I feel lonely too. I know it will get better but for now, it really sucks. What do I do? I want to stop feeling this mad and move on to better friends and a better life.

Answer

Salma Prabhu

Clinical Psychologist

Answered over 4 years ago

Hey,

First and foremost let me tell you that you are a courageous person. As you have expressed very well what you are experiencing. I can understand you are feeling like, if only there was a time machine and you could go back to that moment and you could say NO if it is just for fun.
You are beating yourself inside and feeling thoroughly let down and feel cheated.

I would say yes you are hurting, and I can see that you also feel you have learnt your lesson. Every situation happens in life for us to learn something. Sometimes there are small incidences which lessons which come to us earlier, but we fail to notice and then something drastic happens to help us learn. If we do not learn, it keeps happening. So in your case, you are wise, you have had a chance to understand who are your friends, and how you need no be careful in the future. You need to be sure before you give yourself, your self respect.

Life is like a long train journey. I m sure you have been on one train journey. There is so much to learn, there are so many who go till the final destination we are going and so many who get off at different stations. So many who just pass by and so many who interact and we learn.

We also make new friends and acquaintances along the way and we say good bye to many.

So you are fortunate that you have the ability to self introspect and you have now an opportunity to start afresh.

I would recommend the following

First do not blame others, friends, him anyone. Blaming is an obstacle to evolving.
Do not blame yourself either. It is not necessary to blame others or oneself. This only creates a guilt cycle.
Note down what you have learnt
Start afresh.
Forgive others and yourself.
Be grateful you have a powerful brain
Be grateful there are many amazing people out there
Tell yourself your subconscious mind will attract henceforth only the right person
Tell yourself you have a strong personality and no one can take you for granted.
Be fine and assertive, not bitter and aggressive.
Love yourself and love will come your way
Also find joy in small things, your passion, birds, flowers, nature, water, art etc.
Join that class you have been wanting to.
Make efforts to make the needy smile.
Play with animals, children senior citizens. Make them happy
Each day write five things that you are grateful for and five things that made you happy and five things you did to make others happy.

And just watch the miracles coming your way

I wish for you love and happiness.

With magical love

Salma

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