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I doubt my husband is cheating on me

Asked by Female, 36, Married

I am 36 yrs old .My husband is 38yrs old .Our is arranged marriage .I got married in 2002. It's being 15yrs . We seen very up & downs in our married life. But from August things changed.My father in law expired in august. After those 12 days .Once I checked my husband Phone.I shocked by seeing messages to one no. Of his WhatsApp. I send romantic good morning message to him. He just resend my message to that no.From that day I started observing his messages.He is sharing every routine to that no.we have two kids .He send their holidays message also to that no.He send u+I=we such type of messages I observed continuously and finally one night I asked him clearly I told him to give his phone after few minutes of orgument he gave his phone after deleting chat of that no. When I asked him he firstly refused everything but later he admitted it's just chatting nothing else.He literally cried that I doubted him.Aftet that slowly things are going Normal but I missed that togetherness from our relationship.At that time only he told me now feeling of doubt will always be there .He changed his pattern lock also .After many days I got his pattern lock so I started checking his messages again. One Sunday from morning he is chatting with a new no. As he cares about me same wording are used while chatting with that no. Now I continuously watching that no. I observed video call from &to that no.Many times call list is cleared but few time I saw video calls.In between these days he is quite rude to me he has problem with all my work schedule even with my sound also ,our intimacy almost gone our sexual relationship just become a type of duty for him.I always feel he is not interested at all. I took my husband phone and called to that no. on WhatsApp not a single time phone lifted by that no.Last Monday I went to my mother home Tuesday I came to home.we have tablet phone also I that I saved that no . With already had contact no.After coming home I saw that number is cleared from tab. From that day that no.also cleared from my husband phone also. I actually saved that no. In my contact list also today I saw it is deleted from my contact list also.He didn't ask me anything & I didn't asked him anything. Now what should I do ?Shall I asked him .Last time when I asked him he is distributed for many days & stop talking with me also. Actually he inform me everything about his routine & I too.We know each and every thing about each other whenever we go out we inform each other He is very responsible,very caring , very sensitive also.He give time to our also no other complain s but I can't understand the things .In March he is busy also I s there any chance that my doubt is correct or just I am over possessive.Please advice me what to do

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Answer

Sneha

Psychotherapist

Answered over 4 years ago

Dear Writer, thank you for writing in. Whether or not you think you are over-possessive, the important point here is that you are not able to trust your husband. To feel like your trust was broken can really hurt. So the important matter is, what do you think is going on?
Just to clarify, do you normally make a habit of checking your husband's phone? Although you said that after your father in law's demise you came across these messages, had any incident like this occurred before as well that made you question your trust and check his phone? Are you aware of who this other person or is their identity unknown to you?
Clearly your husband doesn't seem to trust that you will respect his privacy so he's deleting call logs and changing his lock pattern.
I understand that you miss the togetherness in your marriage but this incident and the lack of trust is driving you two apart. I think you are perhaps scared to trust and are insecure that you will get hurt all over again if your husband repeats this behaviour. I completely understand your fears and it's natural to want to protect yourself from getting hurt. So ask yourself what his reason might be to exchange messages like this or do you think you misread the situation? What you also need to ask yourself is whether you can trust him again?
Please message back to continue our discussion. We are here to help. Regards.

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