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Verbally abused by husband if I confront him about preference for female colleagues

Asked by Female, 43, Married
My husband prefers chatting with his female colleagues instead of me. He locks his phone and laptop. If I confront him about his behavior, he verbally abuses me.
Answer
Thumb komal
Komal
Counseling Psychologist

Hi Writer, thank you for writing in. It takes great courage to reach out for help.

It seems that you are facing difficulty in your marriage with regard to your husband's behaviours. He does not seem to carry out responsibilities towards his family, gives more importance to other colleagues and maintains passwords on all his gadgets. I understand that it must be a difficult position for you to be in since his behaviours seem to upset and disturb you. You are uncomfortable with his interactions with female colleagues and when you confront him, he humiliates and abuses you. This must be leaving you helpless and hurt. Your expectations as a wife are not being met by your husband and you seem to feel insecure for not having any answers to his behaviours.

Firstly, I would appreciate the courage in you for being able to manage so far. I am sure this must not have been easy for you to deal with.
Could you tell me a little bit about yourself and your husband as individuals?
Since when did these problems start? Any reason you might think could have started it?
How has the marriage been before the problems started?
In what capacity does he humiliate you and abuse you and how? Please ensure your safety. It is of utmost importance. Abuse of any sort is a criminal offence and is punishable by law. Do you have other members in your family who live with you? Any one in your trusted supportive social circles who know about this?
Are you financially independent? What does your typical day look like?
Answering these questions will help me understand your situation better and enable me to guide you accordingly.
Also, you seem to be a strong woman to have handled all of this. I wonder how have you managed that? What has helped you to keep going on?

Secondly, how would you like me to help you with your situation? What is it that you are hoping to seek through this counselling process?

Please respond back to continue our discussion. Looking forward to hearing from you.
Warm regards.

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