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My In-laws visit unannounced often, manipulate my home, disturb my privacy and peace. Husband is scared to confront

Asked by Female, 29, Married

My In-laws visit unannounced often and stay over for weeks. They take over every aspect of the house to the extent that I feel like a guest in my own house. They are culturally very different and my life turns topsy turvy to the extent I hate going back home after work. I work in a very senior role and have a stressful job and like quiet weekends with my husband. I do not even get one quiet peaceful evening alone when they are here. My husband dismisses my concerns and is also very uncomfortable talking to his mom about this afraid he will hurt her and I feel dejected. All I need is privacy and a place called home I can relate to. I have started to resent them and I start feeling very anxious and stressed when I hear about their up coming visit. And this is just my second year of marriage. If this continues for the coming years I don't think I can stay married. Am I over reacting?

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Answer

Sneha

Psychotherapist

Answered over 4 years ago

Dear writer, thank you for writing to us. I understand your frustration regarding you in-laws visits. I wouldn't call it an overreaction specially since I understand it's coming from a place of wanting a sanctuary for your self in your own house. The trouble being, it's also a sanctuary for your in-laws. You are entitled in wanting some privacy and space and the freedom to make your own plans. Perhaps it's easier for your husband to handle his parents visits, simply because he has grown up with it and is therefore more at home with them.
Now in a situation like this, even using diplomacy and tact may not necessarily soften the effect of having a conversation about this. But it's not something that can't be handled as long as you are up for it.
Use tact in conveying that it's not about them, but you needing some quiet time for yourself after a hectic day at work. Try telling them when you have a set plan and perhaps don't alter it for them. See what happens and that might inform you as to how to go about communicating with them.
Sometimes it's far better to be upfront and honest about what you need than let resentment fester and have a blowup. All relationships encounter problems and require working through and this is no different. In all probability your in-laws possibly think that their visits offer you the break and respite you need.
Please message back to continue discussing. Regards

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