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Newly-wed spouse pressuring me for sex

Asked by Female, 24, Married
I am being blamed for wanting to take my time before I have sex with my husband. We have been married for two weeks.
Thumb komal
Counseling Psychologist

Taking your time to get comfortable before getting physically close and intimate is your right. It is unfair of your husband to blame you for that and to force you beyond what you are ready for. You have only begun your married life and have a long journey ahead of you. I can imagine how uncomfortable this must be for you.

When things are calm, talk about the relationship. You can start the conversation by saying “You’re important to me and I want you in my life. There are some things in this relationship that are deal-breakers for me. My hope is that we can work them out and the only way that could happen is if I tell you clearly what they are.” Then explain instances you found unacceptable to you and suggest ways of resolving those issues mutually. Be assertive while you do so.

Gradually as you both work on the foundations of the relationship, getting to know each other, trust, comfort level, emotional connect, and the like, can you suggest ways of how you both could take it further:

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